Crimson Red Sports

Q: How do you keep Auburn Tigers out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.

Q: What do Auburn University Tigers Football players always get on their final exams?
A: Drool.

Q: What's the biggest lie told at Auburn University?
A: "I was just helping that sheep over the fence."

Q: What’s the difference between a litter of puppies and Auburn University Tigers fans?
A: Eventually puppies grow up and stop whining.

Q: How many Auburn University Tigers does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up.

Q: What do Tigers cheerleaders and Tigers quarterbacks have in common?
A: They're always on their backs.

 8)

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How can you tell there's been an Aub in your backyard?



 ???

 ???

Your garbage is gone, and your dog's pregnant.

Q: Why do Auburn Cheerleaders wear panties?
A: To keep their ankles warm.

Q: What do you call 47 football fans around a TV watching all the Bowl Games?
A: The Auburn Tigers.

Q: What do the Auburn Tigers and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 75,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

Q: Did you hear about the Aubies found frozen in a car at the drive-in movie in January?
A: They went to see "Closed for Winter".

Two Auburn football players drowned when the truck they were riding in ran off the road and into a lake.  Witnesses said they could see them trying furiously to get out but died trying to open the tailgate...

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Then there was the one about the Auburn fan who locked it keys in his car.  It took his buddies 4 hours to get him out.

Why do all trees in our state lean to the east?

Because Auburn sucks.

Sad news from the Barn this weekend. Awbren homecoming queen, Betsy the Holstein, passed away suddenly. She was found early Sunday morning laying by a stump after celebrating her homecoming win Saturday night.
On Monday morning fusball coach Gus the Bus Malzan sent three offensive linemen out to bury Betsy. Late Monday night the players came dragging in worn out and filthy nasty. Coach Gussy commenced to chewing they out for taking so long to bury one cow.
The players explained “but croach….we hasd to dig up 3 holes before wez could bury Betsy. Coach Gussy asked “why in the world you had to dig three holes?” The players explained again “well croach….the first 2 weren’t big enough.”

One from my days at the U..

back long ago, the barn had a hot running back, AMer Indian by the name of Eagle. dumb as a stump. failed an exam and was susp from football. Coarch said we gotta have Eagle to beat Bama. Prof said well, I will let him take an exam, but it will be 12:00 SAt. Game time was to be 2:00. Maybe he can get through in time to play.

Eagle is slaving away on his exam, game starts, Bama is beating the dogcrap outta the barn..no Eagle..

A murmur goes up from the crowd.....

"Whar Eagle?  Whar Eagle? Whar Eagle?

And that kiddies, was the start of the legend!

Two Aubarn fans watching the pre-game warm ups before the jawga game. And there's old Ugga out on the field, without a care in the world, licking his balls. One of the Aubies say, "Man. I wish I could do that". The other says, "He bite you".

:lol:

Auburn jokes:

Gene Chiznik
Tuberville
T. Bowden
Sociology Department
Auburn Academics


 :wave:

:lol: #+

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That's how easy love can be.......

 :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

.....when you're talkin' 'bout a goat or 3........

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I see the goat borrowed a cheerleader's ankle warmers.

Barner fans reminds me of a Slinky……..they’re really not good for anything……but if you shove one down a flight of stairs it will bring a smile to your face

 :) :) :) :) :)

Q: What’s the difference between a litter of puppies and Auburn University Tigers fans?
A: Eventually puppies grow up and stop whining.


Q: How do Tigers brain cells die?
A: Alone.

This guy walks into Toomers Drug in Auburn, sits down at the Soda Fountain and orders a Grilled Veggie Hoagie. The Waiter looks at the man and says "You're not from round here are ya?" "No" replied the man, "I'm from Pennsylvania." The Waiter looks at him and says "Well what do you do in Pennsylvania?" "I'm a taxidermist." said the man. The waiter, looking very bewildered, now asked "What in the world is a tax-e-derm-ist?" The man looked at the bar tender and said "Well, I mount dead animals." The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole store which is staring at him "It's okay, boys! He's one of us!"

The Auburn University vet school acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very "in the mood", and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species available. While reflecting on their problem, the administrators noticed Ed, a part-time student intern, responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Ed, like most Barners, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY species. So, the administrators thought they might have a solution. Ed was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500? Ed showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, Ed announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions. "First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her. Secondly, you must never tell anyone about this." The administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition. "Well," said Ed, "You gotta give me another week to come up with the $500."

An Auburn man joined the Army. As part of his basic training, he went out on the rifle range. He fired 99 shots at the target, and missed the target with every shot! His Drill Instructor tried to find out why.
"What's the matter with you?" asked the DI. "Why can't you hit the target? What were you in civilian life?"

"I was a telephone man," replied the new recruit, "and I don't know why I can't hit the target. Let me see..."

The telephone man checked his rifle, checked his rifle again, and checked his rifle a third time. He then put his finger in front of the muzzle, pulled the trigger, and blew the end of his finger off!

"Well," the phone man said, writhing in pain, "the bullets are leaving here fine. The trouble must be on the other end!"

It was the first day of Grade Three in a new town for Johnny. As a test, his teacher went around the room and asked each of the students to count to 50. Some did very well, counting as high as 30 or 40 with just a few mistakes. Others couldn't get past 20. Johnny, however, did extremely well; he counted past 50, right up to 100 without any mistakes.
He was so excited that he ran home and told his Dad how well he had done. His Dad nodded and told him, "That's because you are from Auburn, son."

The next day, in language class, the teacher asked the students to recite the alphabet. It's Grade Three, so most could make it half way through without much trouble. Some made it to S or T, but Johnny rattled off the alphabet perfectly right to the end. That evening, Johnny once again bragged to his Dad about his prowess in his new school. His Dad, knowingly, explained to him, "That's because you are from Auburn, son."

The next day, after Physical Education, the boys were taking showers. Johnny noted that, compared to the other boys in his grade, he seemed overly "well endowed". This confused him. That night he told his Dad. "Dad, they all have little tiny ones, but mine is ten times bigger than theirs. Is that because I'm from Auburn?" he asked.

"No, son," explained his Dad, "That's because you're 18."

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 :lol:

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From last week but still funny.