Crimson Red Sports

Bring it.  Keep it clean.  Bonus e-cred if it is an original.

A priest, a rabbi, and CNS walk into a bar.  The bartender asks about the Iron Bowl.  CNS says I can't stand those guys.  The other 2 say Roll Tide!  Get it?  I think the priest was from Arkansas.

Know what they call a cow in Lee County?

Snookums.

Coach Cheez-It Study Hall

Pay careful attention to the title of the comic book:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0jTm6iOnQ0

Bwaha......... :-\ .... Oh wait, I know someone else with the same nickname  :-[ .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lh59ijksAJs

Thanks, Carl.

(http://www.wfcc.net/images/Mooger-approved.jpg)

Lee Harvey walks in a bar. The bartender says, "You're out late. Where've ya been?"

"I've been over to Toomer's Saharan Forest" replied Updyke.

"You mean Toomer's Saharan Desert, don't you?" said the puzzled barkeeper.

"That's what they'll call it in a month or two!"



I'll take my e-creds now, please.

A Bama and a Auburn fan were driving in opposite directions one dark stormy night and they had a collision in the middile of the road.

Both of them survived and were very happy.

So, to celebrate the Bama fan said to the Auburn fan "lets have a drink" and he pulled a bottle of Jack from the trunk of his car.

He then poured the two a drink and said "lets put our differences behind us".

The Auburn fan drank up and then said "go ahead my friend" and the Bama fan said "no thanks I'll wait until the cops arrive".

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an Auburn War Eagle fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Auburn fans too. Not really knowing what a War Eagle fan is, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands fly into the air.

There is, however, one exception. Janet has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.

"Because I'm not an Auburn War Eagle fan" she reports.

"Then," asks the teacher, what are you?"

"I'm a Roll Tide fan" boasts the little girl. The teacher then asks Janet why she is a Alabama fan.

"Well, my Dad and Mom are Alabama fans, so I'm an Alabama fan too" she responds.

"That's no reason," the teacher says. "What if your Mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot. What would you be then?"

Janet smiles and says, "Then I'd be an Auburn fan."

So what happened? ???

Nothing, the cop was from Arkansas.

The best joke I heard today was on the Finebaum show when Tammy ( Auburn fan from Rockford Alabama ) called in and said " Auburn is going to win by a field goal - 24-20"!

This guy walks into Toomers Drug in Auburn, sits down at the Soda Fountain and orders a Grilled Veggie Hoagie. The Waiter looks at the man and says "You're not from round here are ya?" "No" replied the man, "I'm from Pensylvania." The Waiter looks at him and says "Well what do you do in Pensylvania?" "I'm a taxidermist." said the man. The waiter, looking very bewildered, now asked "What in the world is a tax-e-derm-ist?" The man looked at the bar tender and said "Well, I mount dead animals." The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole store which is staring at him "It's okay, boys! He's one of us!"

:lol:

A Bama fan and a barner are looking at the toomer trees.

The barner thinks he'll be cute, "Take this marker and put an "X" on the front of that tree.

The Bama guy, accepting the challenge, takes the pen and slowly goes around the tree. He finally circles around, makes an "X", and hands the marker back to the barner.

"How do you know that is the front of our historic, magnificent oak tree?"

The Tide fan answered, "Because somebody took a dump behind it!"

:lol:

What is the difference between Tennessee and Auburn?



Tennessee is not in Georgia.

The Auburn Board of Trustees decided to issue an iPad to every student and use electronic text books.  At first the students where thrilled, but then the student government association organized a protest because all of the iPads they could find only came in crimson red.

















































































(http://www.onemoregadget.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/etch-a-sketch-ipad-case.png)

Professor to student:  "I already told you, you have to turn it upside down and shake it to reboot."

Q. What do you call 47 football fans sitting around watching all the bowl games?
A. The Auburn Tigers.

Q. What do the Auburn Tigers and Billy Graham have in common?
A. They can both make 75,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ!"

Q. Why do Auburn cheerleaders where panties?
A. To keep their ankles warm

Q. Did you hear about the Aubies found frozen in a car at the drive-in movie in    January?      
A: They went to see "Closed for Winter".

Q: What do Auburn grads call Bama grads?
A: BOSS!

Q: How can you become a small-business owner in Alabama?
A: Get a large business and let an Auburn grad run it for you.

More tree jokes:

How does an elephant get up in a Toomer Oak?

He hides in an acorn and waits for a bird to carry him up!


What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a Toomer Oak would kill you?

A pool table.

Why was Chechem afraid of a tree?

Because of its bark.

Ha, you got me. I thought you were going to say "a Spike 80 infested, moldy, rotten, dying tree limb". Silly me!

Today is our first day of "Buck Season".


Two barners are out in woods when one of them keels over. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back.  The other guy grabs his phone and calls 911. He says "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The dispatcher says, "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says:  "OK, now what?"

I think there is a UTUBE video of this.

What will Auburn fans say after this years Iron Bowl?

"We just got taken to Happy Valley"!

What is a weagle anyway?  Oh, that is what they call their D line.

(http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k117/Kellieara/Mvc-015s.jpg)

I have no idea what you are talking about, but that is funny right there! Don't lose that pic!

*U BCS Championship's ring

(http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/11/32421434169.png) (http://www.UploadScreenshot.com/image/574921/2978706)

Q:  How do you get an Auburn grad to get off of your porch?
A:  Pay him for the pizza.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgWW2zS2H9U

(http://crimsonaudio.net/media/funny/auburn_trash.jpg)

(http://i35.tinypic.com/1zld9w1.jpg)

Those are called weebles.  Pretty popular when I was a kid.

#+

(http://i34.tinypic.com/33k7rfd.jpg)

Now I know. Weebles wobble but they don't fall down! Wouldn't bet on it.

Yep.

(http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQSy-oYEGyYtWRE8I0sWXYtq8VnoJASwUn4VJl1bfuBgQzhSaStiFzE_eWY)

What do you call it when 457 Auburn graduates get together?

An unemployment line.

Why did Bo Jackson go to Auburn?

It was an accident.  He got confused and went the wrong way.

If a tree falls on Toomer's corner and no one is there to see it, does anybody care?

Not unless there is breaking news in the NCAA investigation.

(http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQxHFOj8O5SHbIZq4KU3zjetTT-tEZyuYza0YRo0eCBZ6ShsjABXQ)

Bo Jackson shortened his original first name because he was having trouble spelling "Bob"!

An Arkansas fan, an Alabama fan, and an Auburn fan were peeing off of a bridge.  The Arkansas fan said "Boy, that water is cold."  The Alabama fan siad, "Boy that water is deep."

Just then they noticed that the Auburn fan was missing.  They looked around for a second, then they heard him yelling up from below the bridge "I have no idea how deep it is, but that water isn't cold at all.  In fact, it is actually pretty warm.  But it is still the best tasting water I ever had."

(http://i1128.photobucket.com/albums/m489/bamathreads/makemoneywithauburn.gif)

What do you call it when 58 Auburn grads show up at the Holiday Inn?

A garbage workers convention.

Auburn is changing their mascot from the Tigers to something that fits their culture better.  They're now going to be known as the Auburn Cheetahs.

Two Alabama fans, an Auburn fan, and a cook went camping.  The first night, the first Alabama fan was responsible for bringing back dinner.  He brought back a deer.  The cook asked him how he got the deer.  The first Alabama fan said, "I saw deer tracks.  I followed the deer tracks.  I saw the deer.  I shot the deer."  The second night, the second Alabama fan was responsible for bringing back dinner.  He brought back a rabbit.  The cook asked him how he got the rabbit.  The second Alabama fan said, "I saw rabbit tracks.  I followed the rabbit tracks.  I saw the rabbit.  I shot the rabbit."  The third night, it was the Auburn fan's turn to bring back dinner.  He was gone a really long time.  He finally came crawling back to the campsite looking half dead.  The cook asked him what happened.  The Auburn fan said, "I saw train tracks."

Barner goes to buy a new TV to watch the game:

"Do y'all have color TV's"

"Sure we do"

"Okay, I'll take an orange and blue one"

Bo knows...

Barn professor: Bo, name two pronouns.
Bo: Who me?
Prof: Right.

Bo was excited to learn his AM radio also worked at night.

How many barners does it take to change a light bulb?

None.  It's a trick question.  They don't have electricity in Lee County.

Barners worse than boogers. They are like the boogers you can't flick off.

 8)

A bartender was washing glasses one afternoon when an elderly Irishman came in.

With great difficulty, the Irishman hoisted his bad leg over the barstool, pulled himself up painfully, and asked for a sip of Irish whiskey.

The Irishman looked down the bar and said, "Is that Jesus down there?" The bartender nodded, so the Irishman told him to give Jesus an Irish whiskey, too.

The next patron to come in was an ailing Italian with a hunched back, who moved very slowly.

He shuffled up to the barstool and asked for a glass of Chianti.

He also looked down the bar and asked if that was Jesus sitting at the end of the bar.

The bartender nodded, so the Italian said to give Him a glass of Chianti, too.

The third patron to enter the bar was a barner, who swaggered into the bar and hollered, "Barkeep, set me up a cold one! Hey, is that God's Boy down there?"

The barkeep nodded, so the redneck told him to give Jesus a cold one, too.

As Jesus got up to leave, he walked over to the Irishman and touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!"

The Irishman felt the strength come back to his leg, so he got up and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus touched the Italian and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!"

The Italian felt his back straighten, so he raised his hands above his head and did a flip out the door.

Jesus walked toward the barner, but the barner jumped back and exclaimed, "Don't touch me! I'm drawing disability!"

An Auburn frat boy takes his girlfriend to her first ever Iron Bowl.  At the beginning of the game the captains go out to meet with the refs in the middle of the field.  "What are they doing?" she asks.  "They are flipping a coin to see who gets the ball first," replied the frat boy.

About half way through Alabama's first drive, the girl stands up on her seat and starts throwing change from her purse at everybody in the stands.  "What are you doing?" screamed the boyfriend.  She yells back at him, "I'm tired of these tightwads screaming to get the quarter back!!!"

Two freshman Auburn football players walk into the casino to get their first weekly "jackpot".  They decide to split up and go to different slot machines so that it won't be as suspicious.  The first player swipes his special card through the machine, and it puts $1000 on his account.  He looks for the other player but can't find him anywhere.  Finally he spots him over at the front door with a wheelbarrow.  He goes over and asks him "What are you doing?"  The other player said "I need this wheelbarrow for all of my money.  I found a machine over in the corner that gives me 4 quarters every time I put a dollar bill in there!!!"

That sounds like a true story.

 ???

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eykXTU8SYlE

Why doesn't Auburn have a real tiger at the stadium like LSU?

They were trying to get one, but then Pat Dye gave all the steaks to Eric Ramsey.

Why does Cam keep his Wonderlic results on his dashboard?

So he can park in the handicapped spot.

If you see Cam walking down the street with a backpack, why should you refrain from running over him?

He might have your laptop computer in there.

(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a78/nursetpd/Auburn/AUBURN_CASH_CAB.gif)

Funnier that a backpack full of comic books. I'm guessing that was homemade?

Here is a shout out and an e-cred.

What is the first thing the Auburn coaching staff teaches to the freshman football players when they arrive on campus.

"You have the right to remain silent..."

Yep.  :-[

Cash cab!

I have a story I've been telling cab drivers for years. If you are with me, I'll embarass you too. It entails my G'dad having bought yellow paint by accident...

Two Auburn football players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the Iron Bowl on Saturday. The exam was fill-in-the-blank. The last question read, "Old MacDonald had a _________."

Dyer was stumped. He had no idea of the answer. He knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed. Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped McCalebb on the shoulder. "Pssst. Ontario. What's the answer to the last question?" McCalebb laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed then he turned to Dyer. "Michael, you're so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a farm."

"Oh yeah," said Dyer. "I remember now." He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Reaching to tap McCalebb's shoulder again, he whispered, "Ontario, how do you spell farm?"

"You are really dumb, Michael. That's so easy. Farm is spelled - E-I-E-I-O.".

Did you hear about Cam's new shoe endorsement deal?

He now endorses Hush Puppies.

A truck driver was driving down the highway when he sees a priest hitchhiking on the road. He stops to pick up the priest, but he has a few misgivings about giving him a ride; usually when the driver sees a barner on the road, he hits them -- with a priest in the truck, he'd have to swerve. But the driver decides to pick up the priest.

A little while later, he comes across a barner hitchhiking. He decides to just swerve and let this one live when, all of a sudden he hears a "BLOOM!" The driver looks over at the priest, who says, "Don't worry -- I got him with the door."

For Auburn OL Blake Burgess's birthday, his girlfriend wanted to give him something very special! Blake already had pretty much everything a person could want, money, fame and happiness because he is Rick Burgess's son of Rick & Bubba fame! Blake's girlfriend decided to get "BB" tatooed on her butt, a "B" on each butt cheek.

That night, after eating dinner and cake, she decided to give Blake her gift. After explaining that her gift was very special, she proceeded to bend over and pull her pants down, revealing her bare, tatooed derriere! She told "Blake" to look.

He looked and said, "That's great honey... but who in the heck is BOB?"

How can you tell there's been an Aub in your backyard?

Your garbage is gone, and your dog's pregnant.  :popcorn2:

WE all want to know where the "war Eagle" cry came from:

Back in the old days, the barn had a running back, an Indian, by the name of Eagle. Now, Eagle was not one to hit the books, so he was failing the animal husbandry class, and was going to be ineligible for the Iron Bowl. The coarch asked his prof to give him the final exam one more time..prof says OK, but it's gotta be Saturday at 2:30 pm.

Game commences, BAMA is beating the tiger crap out of the barners, because for the 1st half, no Eagle shows up...the barner fans all are aghast...where is their star player?  All at once a cry starts slowly and builds into a crescendo:

Whar Eagle?

Whar Eagle?

And history was made.

Ok, it's lame, but I do not claim it..it was printed in the CW back in the 60"s.

(at least gimme an e-cred for remembering!)

#+ but no one here is old enough to know if you remembered correctly. LOL

As part of the Lee County beautification project, barn grad students decided to do their part by planting trees along the major roads in Lee county.
An old retired farmer was sitting on his porch next to his goat when he sees a truck coming down the dirt road slowly. As he watched he noticed three barn grad students, one driving the old rusted out Ford truck and two in the back of the truck with some small trees. The driver would stop about every twenty feet, one guy would jump out and dig a hole and jump back in the truck. Then, the second guy would jump out, cover the hole back up, pat in down and jump back in the truck.
The farmer watched this until they got in front of his house trailer. He said “boys what in the world are you tryin’ to do? Diggin’ holes and coverin’ em up”
The drive calmly told the old man we’re planting trees but the guy who usually puts the tree in the hole called in sick today.

A barn grad with great initiative wanted to start a farming business after getting his barn degree. He thought long and hard what would be most profitable. He finally decided he would grow him some chickens.
The next day he bought him a whole mess of baby chicks. He plowed the field, fertilized properly and planted the chick’s feet first. He watered them good every day but after a few days they were all dead. So he thought about it he knew what he did wrong.
The next day he bought him a ‘nother whole mess of baby chicks. THIS TIME he planted them head first and watered twice a day. He was real proud. Low and behold these chicks didn’t even last as long as the first ones. He knew he was going have to get help.
That night he wrote his professor at the barn a letter explaining everything to him asking what he did wrong.
A return letter finally arrived. The professor started the letter YOU MORON; you know I can’t tell you anything without a soil sample.

Thinking that he missed out on something by not getting his barn education, Cam decides to enroll in school and get his degree. Things are going pretty well, and it comes down to him taking his math exam to graduate. Being the showboat that he is, Cam decides to take the exam at Jordan-Hare and invite barners to watch. The day of the exam, the stadium is completely packed. Cam is sitting a table in the middle of the field with a sheet of paper. He is asked one question over the stadium PA system: "Cam, what is 2 + 2 ?" Cam thinks for a minute, does some scribbling on the paper, and about 10 minutes later answers, "4." The stadium goes deathly quiet. Finally, everyone in unison screams "Give him another chance!"

:lol:

:lol:

I was watching the Auburn game the other day. I accidentally bumped into my TV and Clint Moseley fell down.

Sad news for the Albarn fambly the other day. The 2004 Peoples Nation Championship Parade beauty queen, Bell, has passed away. She was a Holstein beauty. Seems she got into a field of milkweed and developed a bad case of sour belly. No one in the animal husbandry department could save her.
One grad student was overheard saying how popular Bell was, “all the dates we had and never once did she kick the pail out from under me” he said with a tear in his eye.

On a related note, foolsball coarch Jean Cheez-it had concern for some of his offensive linemen. Coarch was delegated the task of Bells burial. He assigned four of his best and brightest linemen to go out and dig a hole and bury Bell. The left out early one morning and didn’t come back until after dark, missing practice. Coarch Cheez-it was furious and demanded an explanation.
The captain of the burial task force, still out of breath, said “ Coarch, we had to dig four holes and we is tired.” Coarch screamed why in the world did you dig four holes to bury one cow? The captain then explained, the first three weren’t big enough.

Hank--"And now, the rest of the story..."

Bwaaahahaha!  #+

A little boy and his mother were walking in a cemetery when they came
upon a headstone that read “Here lies an AUBURN graduate and an honest man.”
The little boy asked, “Mommy, why did they bury 2 people in there?”

Things you will never hear a barner say:

Duct tape won't fix that
Checkmate
Let a professional paint your car
Wrestling's fake
The tires on that truck are too big

 I saw an Auburn grad fall down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

Question: What do you get when you mate an Auburn graduate with a pig?

Answer:  Nothing.  There are some things you just can't get a pig to do.

Welcome Florida Tarheel. You get an e-cred for the barn-bashing. We like barn-bashing. Post Roll Tide and someone will give you another.  ;)

Welcome to the forum!  Have some e-creds.

2 barner agriculture grads decide to go into farming. They decide they will need a tractor so they go see a BAMA grad who has one for sale. They find out he wants 5,000 $ for the tractor and figure they can't afford that. The BAMA grad then says "well, you can buy mules". How much the mules? They are 500.00 the pair. We can't afford that either. BAMA grad says, well, I can sell you some mule eggs, and you can raise them yourself. So he sells them 2 watermelons(mule eggs). The barners load their mule eggs in the truck and take off. A few miles down the road, they hit a bump and one of the "mule eggs" falls out of the truck and bursts. At the same time a rabbit jumps up and takes off running. The one barner says stop!, our mule has hatched and there goes our mule! and gets out and chases the rabbit. He comes back to the truck after a while, and his buddy asks him, where is our mule?  Barner says, I couldn't catch him..besides , I don't think we can plow that fast.

Did you hear about the Aub at the stop sign?

He's still there.

What do you call a brick with 3 holes in it?

An Aub bowling ball.

The Agriculture Department at Aubrun announced they didn't switch to Daylight Saving Time this year.

Explanation: "The extra time may damage the Toomer's oaks."

Know why barners don't eat M&M's?

Too hard to peel.

You know why Bama is going to take over the ugliest village on the plains so easily Saturday?

They'll march in backwards and tell them they're leaving.

When the barn plays Ga, and the barn cheerleaders come out on the field, the Ga fans say,

How 'bout them dogs!

(http://www.flickr.com/photos/dane_hawk/6390373839/)
The barn's new OC when Malzahn leaves...

:lol:

Congrats on the new job!

What's the difference between Auburn sex and death?


Death you can do alone and nobody laughs at you.