Crimson Red Sports

You have used baling wire to attach a license plate

You have animals living in structures more expensive than your house.

You have used a tractor with a loader as scaffolding for painting or roof repairs

You've used the same knife to make bull calves into steers and peel apples

You have fibbed to a mechanic about how often you greased a piece of equipment

Your front porch callapses and 7 dogs die.

Your girlfriend left her teeth in your wife's truck.

You're out of town for the night and someone steals your house.

Your favorite team has not won a legitimate national championship in your lifetime.

You sold your tickets to the Iron Bowl so you would have gas money to go to the game.

Your commode is on the front porch.

You think indoor plumbing means you live in the well house.

You put your toilet paper in the trees and wipe yourself with leaves.

You think illegal aliens come from Mars.

Your school is accused by Peta of torturing the mascot.

Over 50% of your clothing came from feed and seeds.

Your excuse for getting out of school is that the cows got out.

You pick up all the free stuff at the State Fair.

Your wife eats lizards.

You think 5-19 is a winning record.

You don't chant S-E-C!!! at the Oregon game because you aren't sure how to spell SEC.

You think you are an entertainer AND an icon.

You have ever attended the museum of toilet paper.

You pick up your date for the game and she is wearing cleats.

You catch your coach cheating and you name the field after him and give him an office at the athletic complex.

Holler the WHOLE game for the band to play "Foggy Mt. Breakdown".

You buy a national championship and you take the money you should be using to pay your players and give your puppet coach a big raise instead.

You buy season tickets just so you can sell them to the visiting team.

Your wife/cousin thinks a fancy night out on the town is going down to Toomer's Drug Store and getting 2 baloney sammiches and splitting a coke.

You think the REC controls the BCS.

You get lost when you go to your first home game because nobody in Atlanta can tell you how to get to Jordan-Hare Stadium.

Switch to box wine for the IB.

Have to dress the kids up to go to Walmark.

Have to rob parts off the other 6 cars to get one running for the IB.

You have dinner with all of your relatives every day of the week... down at the soup kitchen.

At first I was like   >:(

But I remembered the IB is in Auburn and I was like:  8)

You need a miracle onside kick to beat Utah State.

Your ex-coaches get drunk and call into the Paul Finebaum show.

No one really acknowledge your greatest acheivement in 50 years.

Your ex-coaches have their pants wash up on the bank of a lake years after they were lost.
Your ex-coaches get drunk and lose their pants.

Your school has a world famous sociology program.

Your Heisman Trophy winning tailback goes the wrong way and loses the Iron Bowl.

The only job you can get is posting spam on message boards, and you get banned and the message gets deleted before anyone ever even sees it.

Are those the jobs they say, "If you can type earn extra $..."?

Your aunt is also your sister.

Could be.

You think it is OK to sell your children to the highest bidder so you can fix your church.

all your classes are in one building and they ring bells to dismiss class, like in junior high.

You heard Russia was invading Georgia and you went to Wal-mart to stock up on ammunition.

You heard that Osama was dead and you were just sure the KKK was behind it.

You think the middle east peace negotiations are between Spurrier and Richt.

You think a lightyear is when you are able to sit home and draw unemployment for 12 months in a row.

your science department thinks the "moonshot" was filmed in Arizona.

Your mascot gets an endorsement deal with Windex.

you run a drop cord to your neighbors 'cause your powers been cut off.

You think Lee Harvey Oswald worked for the CIA before he poisoned the oak trees.

You can't call your friends because you ran out of minutes on your phone.

you drive slow hoping to find fresh roadkill for Thanksgiving.

You wish you had the grades to get into South Carolina so you too could end up pumping gas.

You get pulled over by the police while riding your lawn mower back from the beer store.

you need to make a TV payment before Friday.

You need to make a electric bill payment before Friday.

You win the lottery and go out and buy one of those fancy new triple wide mansions.

You sneak the wrecker over to your brothers house to repo his car.  When you get home you find out he was at your house doing the same thing to you.

You decide to just watch the game at Walmarks.

You bring a roll of toilet paper into the store on Pawn Stars.

But you have to hitchhike after that incident with your brother the "other" repo man.

Pay someone ELSE to take the wheels off.

You end up in the hospital because some priest riding shot gun in a big rig opens the door and whacks you with it as they drive by.

A cop takes you to jail because he sees you suspiciously rolling a wheelbarrow full of quarters back to the dorm.

You think the 5 vowels are E-I-E-I-O

you have to figure out how to get the home confinement bracelet off to go to the game.

you figure Dog Chapman won't find you in JHS.

You think Saddam Hussein was the king of Jordan.

You think Chemical Ali was the greatest fighter ever.
You think Chemical Ali is the meth dealer down at the 7-11.

You think Napoleon is that ice cream you get that has chocolate, vanilla, AND strawberry all in one bucket.

You think Neapolitan is that little short French dude that blew the nose off the Sphinx.

can't figure out how to apply to Bama.

your GPA is lower than the # of NCs in the last 50 years.

your momma slept with your corch to get him to molest you.

You think World War II was the sequel to that famous War of the Worlds radio show where all of the illegal immigrants invaded from Mars.

You think the book 1984 is all about how Alabama and the REC are secretly spying on Auburn.  (big brother is watching)

 your paperboy is your inside source for news on football.

 the Farm Bureau has your phone tapped.

You think the book Catch-22 is all about how HTWMI would have scored the winning TD in a fictional Iron Bowl if he had stayed for his senior year.

you bought the exact same 1985 model trailer to match up to make your own double wide.

You think "Shoeless Joe" is the homeless guy who lives in the bathroom at the football stadium.

Your property doesn't go back far enough, so you decide to just make it a double long instead.

you think King Tut is the night security guard at Tutweiler Dormatory.

You think Nick Fairly is the greatest football player to ever live... in a van... down by the river.

You think 2 > 1314

family outings or weddings are planned around prison release dates.

You try to post on a message board, but every time you are about to type you here a siren and throw your computer out the window.

you have to settle for used tires, but can't pay in full until you sell the ones you are repacling.

you think Bama is not that great of a school since they don't have "Shop".

You sell one of your junk "parts" cars so you can go buy a case of beer.

You think calculus is the little sore you get on your hand when you dig the new garbage hole with a shovel.

You only get new furniture when a Bama fan sits it out by the road for the garbage truck.

You are the "rich" one in your family because you have an old Ford Pinto up on blocks in the front yard that your cousin can sleep in when his wife kicks him out of the house.

You lose 10 pounds at the end of every month because you traded all your food stamps away and ran out of groceries.  Then you gain it back at the beginning of the next month.

You want to go on the Atkins diet, but you aren't sure how to grow an atkins.

Your pickup truck does not have a bed because you used it to make a homemade utility trailer.

You lifelong dream is to become a double naught spy, but you are afraid your cyphering skills might hold you back.

the alumni association meetings include a goat, some high heels, and crisco.

You dream of buying a tractor with an enclosed cab so your date won't freeze when you take her to the drive in.

you have sold your childrens hair for beer money.

After you get the tractor, you want a cattle trailer so you can bring the kids too.

your board of trustees meet at Waffle House.

You think you can make a profit if you could just drink a little more beer each week and then sell your empty beer cans back to the recycling place.

You buy your little girl that fancy socket set you've been wanting for Christmas.

You ruin your computer when you curiously press the little button next to the built in coffee cup holder and it suddenly starts moving into the case and spills your coffee all over the motherboard.

You can never get your computer to come on because your keyboard doesn't have the "any key" you need to press to continue.

You never use your computer during the winter time because you are afraid it might catch a virus.

You think getting banned from a forum means you didn't go down to Rent-A-Center on Friday to make the next payment so they came and got your computer.

You have to quit renting porn because you can't watch movies and use the magic beer holder at the same time.

You think you shouldn't have to pay child support because the kid's mother is also your baby sister and she is still living at home with your momma.

if you keep your emergency stash urine samples in your refrigerator.

Dayum! You boys been just a little busy this morning, have you?  :lol:

You graze sheep to avoid having a lawn mower, a girl friend, and sleeping pills. 

So, did they ever call you back about the rig, or did you sit in front of your computer all night with foot elevated in anticipation of the call that never came?

Your mama keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.

You think the belt buckle with your name on it is acceptable identification.

All is gooder than grits!

Your mother keeps a spit cup on her ironing board.

If you don't know how to spell your name after you graduate. RTR!

You don't know how to spell the name of your own school.

(http://bloguin.com/leatherhelmetblog/images/stories/ABUURN.jpg)

You think Sherwood Forest is a trailer park out on Wire Road.

Your "dorm" still has the axles and wheels under it.

(http://bloguin.com/leatherhelmetblog/images/stories/ABUURN.jpg)

Anybody else think the guy 3rd from the right looks like a white Cam Newton?

The FBI surrounded your trailer park twice so far this year.

You post a picture like this to your Facebook page after you sign your National Letter of Intent.

(http://i235.photobucket.com/albums/ee313/PlayerSouth/6585800a1.jpg)

you hit the drive thru at McDonalds just to see the "talking sign".

You think an iPhone is the next model after the hPhone.

You passed sociology without ever attending class.

Your wife has to move the carburator out of the sink before she can wash dishes.

...you think the referees are kinda like the game wardens for football.

...people are told to look for the hub cap collection trying to find your house.

....your wife's hair gets caught in the ceiling fan.

The bathroom at your stadium has a 10 man bathtub urinal.

the 10 man bathtub urinal doubles as the whirlpool for the players after the game.

...you were caught selling crystal meth while chaperoning your kids school trip.

you think "facilities upgrade" means that they are going to rip out the 10 man one and put in a 20 man one.

you tell your kids they need to pay attention in chemistry class so they can grow up to be the meth cook instead of the dealer.

...you leave the string lights (Christmas) up all year and just tell everyone you have them up early.

You have no idea that the 20 man urinal is really a group bidet.

you purposely shatter the screen of your new LCD TV because you think it contains Liquid Crystal Drugs in there.

you tell one of your kids to hit you in the groin with a baseball bat so you can try to get on America's Funniest Home Videos.

you sincerely believe that Cam played at Auburn for free.

 :lol: Now that's funny right there, I don't care who y'are.

you think ESPN is coming down there to see YOUR school play.

you have ever won a People's Choice National Championship.

you can go undefeated in the SEC and NOT get invited to the BCS NCG.

you cry when some nut job kills one of your trees.

you have ever worn a dog's shock collar just so you can see if it works.

if you found a way to buy toilet paper on a EBT card

you have ever told one of your kids to go out on the front porch and get you a beer out of the fridge.

Then you use the TP to roll Toomer's Corner.  Then you eat baloney sammiches the rest of the month.

you have ever tried to rig your electric meter so that it runs backwards part of the month.

you try to take your new big screen TV back to Wal-mart the day after the Iron Bowl.

you pawn your TV so you can pay the DirecTV bill.

:-[

You tell your 12 year old daughter to put out her cigarette out at the dinner table because it's not polite to smoke in front of her kids.

Oops.  :-[

...your favorite movie is The Walmart Baby.

if you find a website named Smartest Auburn Fan but can't log on http://www.smartestauburnfan.com/

only one of the eyes on your stove works.

...you're teaching the kids the family business of stealing copper.

...your workmens comp lawyer bumps into your disabilty lawyer at the courthouse.

...you think workboots are for hiding your pot.

...you think work gloves are for fingerprints.

...you can't remember where you put your car hood.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

...it takes a screwdriver to start your car.

...you've told the kids Christmas is on the 27th.

you yearn for the good ol' days when the score was only 36-0.

then when you find it , it's hooked to the back of your atv by a rope

your kid lost a tooth and you put a $1 food stamp under his pillow.

your wife smiled and the sign in her mouth said "next tooth one mile"

:lol:

with the remnants of a deer carcass tied on top of it.

...you find Skoal in your bedroom and you know your old lady rubs Copenhagen.

or your kids screaming "go faster Paw !!!"

...the neighbors complain about the tarp on your roof flapping.

your Sunday pants are the ones that DON'T have the Skoal circle worn into the back pocket.

you can get a peanut out of the bottom of a coke bottle with one tooth

...the kids favorite toy is a plumbers snake.

your truck won't crank, so you siphon all the gas out and put it in your wife's Pacer.

you have ever yelled at your kids for knocking down your prized beer can pyramid that decorates your living room.

there is a tree stump 6 feet behind everyone of your feed troughs

...you go to AA to pick up girls.

you have to go to your neighbor's trailer to borrow that screwdriver.

...you refer to an elevator as 'that room that moves'.

you ask the divorce lawyer if she will still be your sister after the proceedings

...the nicest piece of your wife's jewelry has a bottle opener.

you have ever gotten lost at the "Super" Wal-mart.

your wife has more tattoos than teeth.

if your wife missed her period and she went to the doctor to get the RU486 morning after pills for you to take!

both you and your wife have blue eyes, but all 7 of your kids have brown eyes.

you have ever gotten married at the "Super" Wal-mart.

if your wife goes outside and honks the car horn when Auburn scores a touchdown!

...the kids learned their letters and numbers on your license plate collection.

if you went down to the lake to help find "Pats Pants"

you have to call in sick the next day when you can't get the car to crank because your neighbor disconnected the car battery during half time.

...you thought Shug went to work early.

you call 911 because your wife is beating you up again.

if the Wal-Mart greeter was your old girlfriend in high school!

stop on the side of the interstate to cut down your own Christmas tree.

...you need a co-signer to get the phone turned back on.

if the bank repossed your truck and your trailer.

...you only work "cash only" due to child support.

you send your wife down to the power company to get the electricity turned back on using her maiden name.

the next month, you send your 17 year old daughter down to the power company.

 you lied about attending the BCS NCG in Arizona last January!

...you can't find on UTUBE the title song to your favorite movie "Goat Busters".

 your pickup truck has curtains and your trailer doesn't!

...sometimes you take the family to NAPA just to see what all they have.

your old tractor got caught in reverse and caused you to unplow 40 acres!

you take your prom date to McDonald's and tell her she can order anything on the menu (while you point to the dollar menu).

you got arrested for DUI while cutting your grass!

:lol:

I'm having to tweet some of these.

sometimes you get paid in scratch-off tickets.

you work on your pickup in the "Autozone" parking lot!

you still refer to the day you won $100 as the day you struck it rich.

"Supersize those fries for the little lady. It's our anniversary".

you wait until the low oil light comes on before you change the oil in your car so none of the old oil is "wasted".

"But not the apple pie. Money doesn't grow on trees"

you volunteer to clean up Toomer's corner since you can't use your food stamps to buy toilet paper.

a cop pulls you over and asks "what's the hurry" and you say "I was trying to get home before I get another DUI."

you played "dailing for dollars" and when you got called forgot the "count and amount!"

^^^ Executive thinking like that will make him branch manager in no time.

you set your car on fire so maybe the bank won't repo it.

(http://www.sectalk.com/boards/images/imported/2005/11/Picture2-1.jpg)

"Dialing for dollars just hung up on me"--Janis Joplin

you donate blood for beer money!

you use the one good eye on your stove to boil your bath water because your water heater doesn't work.

you leave the wheels and axles under your house, but steal all of the wheels and axles from all of your neighbors so you can sell them.

you asked the cashier at the "Dollar General" store for a date and she turned you down!

...you need a calculator to play Blackjack.

and you still can't figure out how much to add in for the Ace.

you booked a cruise for you and your wife down the Black Warrior River,

...you tie milk jugs on the kids for floatees at the pool.

you saved up for 5 years so you could finally take that dream vacation to Montgomery.

you have to take your dog with you everywhere you go because he can outrun your truck.

you started wearing a purse everywhere you went after you saw the Desmond Howard satchel commercial.

you have ever done "the Lutzie"

...put the number of teeth you have left on your resume'.

I can't think of anymore! GN

Me either.  GN

good job guys    #+

Livin'[ large?

Don't encourage us.  We might spew out another 8 pages tonight.

(http://a6.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/s320x320/391888_10150967656570335_714370334_22044086_939197016_n.jpg)

ok ! I might can muster up a few to add in too   :lol:
I ate too much   ...

(http://a3.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/s720x720/384015_2226954989916_1129020573_31813700_814338107_n.jpg)

You guard your trees with a police tower during football games.

You think "Spike 80" has something to do with the age of a former Texas Tech coach.

if gene chezenip has ever told you "get out there and find my teeth boy !"

(http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/11/32720552098.png) (http://www.UploadScreenshot.com/image/584435/5036709)

you have to decide which one of your pets you want to eat for Thanksgiving.

your wife lets the goats sleep in the house, but makes you sleep in the barn.

...you think a Christmas Bonus is the Shreveport bowl.

...you think a hot stock tip is grilled goat.

...you just learned about the library when they started renting $1.00 movies.

...you think Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company

.... you think that Texas is the best football team in Austin.

you volunteer to move to the SEC East to take one for the conference.

you call your own team Alabama's little sister.

FIFY  :D

...your house AND your wife have a Wide Load sign.

...you have more than one brother named Darryl.

... you take the family to your sister's house for Thanksgiving, and it turns out that it's your house.

...you think dual air bags is your wife and your MIL.

... your underwear labels are "January, February...".

You think there should be a "Dale Earnhardt" holiday.

(http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_D0wvmnVUhzM/Snw9p0JiyAI/AAAAAAAAAKU/-_wjFuqb3tA/s400/auburn+boat+launch)

The rear window decal says it all.

You are the successful one in the family because you own a two-story mobile home.

(http://ramsaik10.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/self-contained.jpg)

you think Bama is going to slip to #3 after beating you 42-14!

7-5 is better than you expected this year.

your College Game Day sign says "This is a poster".

you get caught on national TV picking your nose.

I expected the boogers to go 0-for October! Won 2 in that month.

...your cheerleaders can tackle better than your linebackers.

...you think this is a moral victory because you scored 14 points, even though it wasn't against the defense.

Really? REALLY? Quit scudding up this thread! Fo Real!

...you caught your wife dancin' to The Rammer Jammer.

...your Thanksgiving Dinner included Spam.

your best play was a trick punt where you actually punted the ball.