Ron-isms:
It's all chicken but the bill and that's his pecker.
She’s so ugly...
… she'd have to sneak up on water to take a bath!
… she could make a train take a dirt road on a Sunday afternoon!
… she could run a buzzard off a gut barrel at lunch time!
… she could stop a bucket of calf slobber in mid-air!
He’s...
… so small he’s only got one stripe on his PJs.
… a few sandwiches short of a picnic.
… so useless, if he had a third hand he’d need another back pocket to put it in!
… got a ten-gallon mouth and a five-gallon tail.
You’d rather…
… be a Russian racehorse at the Kentucky Derbey with a busted leg and a glue truck on your tail.
… go skinny dip in a pool of piranhas.
… drink five gallons of gas and piss on a forest fire.
… go fart peas at the new moon
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
If you ain't got good manners, you better have fast reflexes.
A cat will always blink when you hit it over the head with a sledgehammer.
If you wanna know how country people are doing, don't look at the house, look at the barn.
Kind words aren't yelled.
I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.
Before you borrow money from a friend, decide which you need more.
I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.
Fish always stink from the head down.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
Ride hard, shoot straight, and always speak the truth.
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs."
If you're gonna be stupid, you better be tough.
Never wrestle with a pig. Chances are you'll get dirty, and the pig will like it.
Don't skinny dip with snapping turtles.
If you're gonna take cattle to town, do it on Sunday. There's less traffic and fewer people to fight.
Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
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