Today was hot
How hot was it?
« » The ice cream cone on the Baskin-Robbins sign melted.
« » Wooden buildings catch fire spontaneously.
« » The statue of George Washington took off its coat.
« » You can get a suntan in minutes, even under an awning.
« » You don't need to plug in your steam iron.
« » Bald guys can fry bacon on their heads.
« » When you turn on a faucet you get steam.
« » Our copy of Venus de Milo is waving a fan held between her toes.
« » If you drop a coin on the sidewalk it sinks in.
« » Everyone carries oven mitts in case they have to turn a doorknob.
« » Even sheep dogs have to wear sunscreen.
« » Every shave is a hot lather shave.
« » You have to walk fast or your shoes will melt.
« » Fedders, Carrier, and Friedrich are cuss words.
« » Sunflowers are holding parasols.
« » Matches ignite without striking.
« » The local radio station plays only one song, "We're Having a Heat Wave."
« » The stripes on the barber pole have run together.
« » Recipe for hot soup: put bouillon cubes and ice cubes in a bowl, stir, and drink immediately.
« » The town aquarium is now a cactus garden.
« » When a drop of sweat hits the ground it sizzles.
« » The only birds are vultures.
« » If you park a car outdoors the radiator boils over.
« » You can pull a steak from the freezer, pop it on a plate, and start eating.
« » Bob's Big Boy keeps hopping from one foot to the other.
« » The most popular fashion item is those aluminum suits that race car drivers wear.
« » Sunlight coming through the giant eyeglasses on the optician's sign set a park bench on fire.
« » Nobody ever, ever asks "Is it hot enough for you?"
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