Question,for retired Moms,or anyone with grown kids

[S-AL-Tider]

So,the last few weeks,my wife has been acting different. Couldn't put a finger on it. Couldn't get the truth out of her to save my life. By different,I mean "SAD". Totally opposite for her personality as she is from NY,and very fiesty. Finally,after I threatened to leave work early and come home,putting my job in jeopardy,she came clean.

My oldest daughter has moved on,and about to give us our 1st grandchild in a couple short weeks. My middle daughter who has spina-bifida is graduating June 4th,and already acccepted to college.That leaves my last,youngest daughter,at the ripe ole age of 16,and jumping at the bit to get her license. They don't ask my wife for anything anymore,well not much. My 16y/o is homeschooling now,and will be done next year,and on to college.So the wife was upset saying,nobody needed her anymore. Is this normal? I mean,I'm still around,lol. And I need her,and told her so,but she is just a little depressed about it,especially knowing I'm gone for 28 days at the time before getting 2 weeks furlough. Sorry to drag on,just thought maybe someone nice mom on here might identify with it,and have some advice on the best way to deal with it.

[Crimson Phoenix]

I think it is known as the "empty nest syndrome" and very common.  It partly comes from needing to be needed.  Maybe you can help your wife move on too...just like the children.

I mean...encourage her to find new meanings and things to get up for every morning.  Some women find new jobs or go back to school.  Many spend time with hobbies they never had time for before.    

She has you I know...but it's important for her to fill the empty spaces.

[S-AL-Tider]

Thanks CP. Makes sense I suppose. She does volunteer at school,3 days a week,and works with/teaches mentally challenged children. They all love her like their own parent.Perhaps she can continue this,and maybe on a more full time basis. I'm looking at it another way. Now,after 21 years,we're gonna have time to take mini vacations together,weekend getaways,that sort of thing,and am slowly making her see this,hopefully. We've really given all our time to the children and not enough to each other,but thats about to change.

[cbbama99]

Hey SALT, I'm no mom, but I was wondering if your oldest daughter lives nearby? If so, I guarantee that your wife will find a lot of fulfillment in doting on y'alls new grandchild (and I'm sure you will, too!)

[Crimson Phoenix]

She'll get through it then....just takes a while sometimes.

I think besides not feeling needed, it is mostly about the children leaving the house and the house feeling lonely and empty without them.  Sometimes it is good to have a pet or two.  I guess the 16 year old is gone a lot with her friends.


That's great that you are going to be around more.
 

[Crimson Phoenix]

Hey SALT, I'm no mom, but I was wondering if your oldest daughter lives nearby? If so, I guarantee that your wife will find a lot of fulfillment in doting on y'alls new grandchild (and I'm sure you will, too!)

This.

[S-AL-Tider]

Hey SALT, I'm no mom, but I was wondering if your oldest daughter lives nearby? If so, I guarantee that your wife will find a lot of fulfillment in doting on y'alls new grandchild (and I'm sure you will, too!)

Valid point here as well. My daughter will be going back to work after the baby. She lives only 45 minutes away,and my wife has already volunteered for full time Granny/babysitter. So,my thinking here is she'll be busy between teaching kids,and the new grandaughter that she'll get back to normal. Just not use to seeing her like this,and being away from her makes me feel even worse about the whole situation. Thanks to both of you

[2Stater]

Hey SALT, I'm no mom, but I was wondering if your oldest daughter lives nearby? If so, I guarantee that your wife will find a lot of fulfillment in doting on y'alls new grandchild (and I'm sure you will, too!)

This. My 3 daughters are grown, I took off for South Carolina for the better part of 3 years and my wife confided she got depressed. All that changed with the birth of our grandson. I've always heard that there is a special different kind of love you have for your grandchildren and it's true. It's made all the difference in the world for my wife.

[Crimson Phoenix]

I have two grown sons.  It must be much easier to handle boys growing up and moving out than daughters. 

[2Stater]

I have two grown sons.  It must be much easier to handle boys growing up and moving out than daughters. 

True dat, CP. I remember once I left home, that was it. I was completely independent. With 3 daughters, and it's not just Mom they depend on, it's a completely different story.

[Marshal Dillon]

I have two grown sons.  It must be much easier to handle boys growing up and moving out than daughters. 

True dat, CP. I remember once I left home, that was it. I was completely independent. With 3 daughters, and it's not just Mom they depend on, it's a completely different story.

Nope. I have both and it's killing me to see my son growing up and going to college. Same with daughter who is over 30 years old. She knows how I feel about her not being 9 years old anymore.   

[S-AL-Tider]

I have two grown sons.  It must be much easier to handle boys growing up and moving out than daughters. 

True dat, CP. I remember once I left home, that was it. I was completely independent. With 3 daughters, and it's not just Mom they depend on, it's a completely different story.

Nope. I have both and it's killing me to see my son growing up and going to college. Same with daughter who is over 30 years old. She knows how I feel about her not being 9 years old anymore.   

So does mine MD,so does mine

[S-AL-Tider]

Hey SALT, I'm no mom, but I was wondering if your oldest daughter lives nearby? If so, I guarantee that your wife will find a lot of fulfillment in doting on y'alls new grandchild (and I'm sure you will, too!)

This. My 3 daughters are grown, I took off for South Carolina for the better part of 3 years and my wife confided she got depressed. All that changed with the birth of our grandson. I've always heard that there is a special different kind of love you have for your grandchildren and it's true. It's made all the difference in the world for my wife.

Inspiring news here. My grandaughter,Layla is due May 18th,but will be coming early due to my daughter having complications with carrying her. They are setting a date as we speak,for a couple days after I get off work to be there for the birth. Been 16 years since there has been a baby around my house.Hopefully the wife will follow the same path as yours!

[2Stater]

Hey SALT, I'm no mom, but I was wondering if your oldest daughter lives nearby? If so, I guarantee that your wife will find a lot of fulfillment in doting on y'alls new grandchild (and I'm sure you will, too!)

This. My 3 daughters are grown, I took off for South Carolina for the better part of 3 years and my wife confided she got depressed. All that changed with the birth of our grandson. I've always heard that there is a special different kind of love you have for your grandchildren and it's true. It's made all the difference in the world for my wife.

Inspiring news here. My grandaughter,Layla is due May 18th,but will be coming early due to my daughter having complications with carrying her. They are setting a date as we speak,for a couple days after I get off work to be there for the birth. Been 16 years since there has been a baby around my house.Hopefully the wife will follow the same path as yours!

It will be awesome for both of you, I promise.

[Marshal Dillon]

I have two 7 year old twin granddaughters. Love them to death. They are so smart. Must be those Marshal Dillon genes from their momma.

 

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