***The Official CRS Joke Thread***

[cbbama99]

A wife wakes here husband up in the middle of the night. "Hey, if I ever died, would you re-marry?"
"Probably so."
"Ok. Would you live in this house with her?"
"Well sure. Why go buy another house just because I remarried?"
"Would you let her wear my clothes?"
"I suppose she could if she was your size."
"Would you let her drive my car?"
"No!! Absolutely not!"
"Why not?"
"She can't drive a straight stick."

  Not so hypothetical now is it? 

Nope, not at all! 
Got this gem from Lewis Grizzard.

[2Stater]

Funny jokes and puns guys.  Thanks, I needed that...

We're here to cheer you up. 

[cbbama99]

At a local church one Sunday evening, the preacher was really bringing it. I mean hellfire and brimstone.

All of the sudden there was a dark cloud over the stage, and from a cloud of smoke, the devil himself stepped out. Everyone in the in the church, including the preacher, screamed and ran for the exits, except for one 85-year-old man on the front pew.

The devil walked up to him, "Don't you know who I am?"
The old man said, "Yes I do," without so much as a stammer in his voice.
Puzzled, the devil said "Ain't you afraid of me?"
Old man smiled. "Nah. I was married to your sister for 40 years."

[N.AL-Tider]

At a local church one Sunday evening, the preacher was really bringing it. I mean hellfire and brimstone.

All of the sudden there was a dark cloud over the stage, and from a cloud of smoke, the devil himself stepped out. Everyone in the in the church, including the preacher, screamed and ran for the exits, except for one 85-year-old man on the front pew.

The devil walked up to him, "Don't you know who I am?"
The old man said, "Yes I do," without so much as a stammer in his voice.
Puzzled, the devil said "Ain't you afraid of me?"
Old man smiled. "Nah. I was married to your sister for 40 years."

Lol, for the record, that man wasn't 85 y/o, he was about 63 y/o and he was married to my MIL for 43 years when he passed away... 

[pmull]

How many quarterbacks does Alabama have?

Tua that can Hurt you.

[Chechem]

How many quarterbacks does Alabama have?

Tua that can Hurt you.

 

TEE SHIRT??

[N.AL-Tider]

How many quarterbacks does Alabama have?

Tua that can Hurt you.

    Ecred for that one...

[2Stater]

[Chechem]

"That's a goodie."   

[Chechem]

[2Stater]

  Awesome!

[2Stater]

[N.AL-Tider]

A woman found a magic bottle, rubbed it and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The genie said, “Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I’m a one-wish genie. So, what will it be?”

The woman did not hesitate. She said, “I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and the Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony.

 The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, “Lady, be reasonable! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I’m out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years. I’m good, but not THAT good! I don’t think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable.”

The woman thought for a minute and said, “Well, I’ve never been able to find the right man. You know – one that’s considerate and fun, romantic, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, is good in bed, and gets along with my family, doesn’t watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That is what I wish for, a good man.”

The genie let out a sigh and said, “Let me see the map again.”

[2Stater]

A new head coach checks into his new school and while setting up his office he opens his desk drawer. In the drawer are three envelopes.
 The envelopes are labeled "(1) on the event of your first crisis open this envelope; (2) on the event of your second crisis open this envelope; (3) on the event of your third crisis open this envelope"

The new coach pushes the envelopes to the back of the drawer and forgets about them.

Near the middle of his second season, things are not going well and there is talk of firing the coach.

The coach remembers the envelopes. He goes to his office and opens the first envelop.  Inside was a note card that read, "Blame your predecessor".

So, the coach issues a press release stating that he is handicapped by the previous coaches baggage. "Give me time to get my recruits in place and things will get better".

Things settle down for awhile.


In the middle of his forth year things have not gotten better. Again there is talk of firing the coach.

The coach goes to his office and pulls the second envelope from his desk drawer and opens it. Inside was a note card that read, "Reorganize".

So, the coach issues a press release stating that he is firing several of his assistants and coordinators. He later hires some very sought after assistance.

Things settle down for awhile.


Two years later, things are still not going well.  Again there is talk of replacing him.

The coach goes to his office and pulls out the third envelope. Inside the envelope is a note card which read, "Go to the campus book store and purchase three envelopes".

And, the carousel rotates on.

[Chechem]

A new head coach checks into his new school and while setting up his office he opens his desk drawer. In the drawer are three envelopes.
 The envelopes are labeled "(1) on the event of your first crisis open this envelope; (2) on the event of your second crisis open this envelope; (3) on the event of your third crisis open this envelope"

The new coach pushes the envelopes to the back of the drawer and forgets about them.

Near the middle of his second season, things are not going well and there is talk of firing the coach.

The coach remembers the envelopes. He goes to his office and opens the first envelop.  Inside was a note card that read, "Blame your predecessor".

So, the coach issues a press release stating that he is handicapped by the previous coaches baggage. "Give me time to get my recruits in place and things will get better".

Things settle down for awhile.


In the middle of his forth year things have not gotten better. Again there is talk of firing the coach.

The coach goes to his office and pulls the second envelope from his desk drawer and opens it. Inside was a note card that read, "Reorganize".

So, the coach issues a press release stating that he is firing several of his assistants and coordinators. He later hires some very sought after assistance.

Things settle down for awhile.


Two years later, things are still not going well.  Again there is talk of replacing him.

The coach goes to his office and pulls out the third envelope. Inside the envelope is a note card which read, "Go to the campus book store and purchase three envelopes".

And, the carousel rotates on.

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