***The Official CRS Joke Thread***

[cbbama99]

An Alabama guy, a Tennessee guy, and an Auburn guy are facing a firing squad. Each one is given one last request. The Tennessee guy says, "I want to hear Rocky Top played just one more time." The Auburn guy says, "Please play War Eagle for more me one last time." They come to the Alabama guy, and without hesitation he says "Please, shoot me first."

[2Stater]

An Alabama guy, a Tennessee guy, and an Auburn guy are facing a firing squad. Each one is given one last request. The Tennessee guy says, "I want to hear Rocky Top played just one more time." The Auburn guy says, "Please play War Eagle for more me one last time." They come to the Alabama guy, and without hesitation he says "Please, shoot me first."

That was me at the 10RC game this year. 

[2Stater]

[Chechem]

 

[N.AL-Tider]

“You'll be fine," the doctor said reassuringly after finishing the young woman's surgery.

 But, she asked, "How long will it be before I’m able to have a normal sex life?”

The surgeon paused and his face became somewhat flushed as he gave the young woman a rather perplexed look.

 She appeared more than a bit alarmed. "What's the matter doctor? I will be all right, won't I? Please tell me there’s not a problem.”

He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no-one has ever asked me that particular question after having their tonsils out."

[Hannibal Lecter, MD]

Joey and Tony, two 1st generation Italian immigrants, worked construction in Brooklyn together for many years.

One day while they were eating lunch, Tony looked at Joey, and said "Joey, answer me'a some questions.  Do you'a like'a big fat'a women?"

Joey looked confused and said, "Tony, why'a you ask'a me that'a?  No, I don't'a like'a big fat'a women."

"Joey, do you'a like'a a woman that'a does not cook'a, does not clean'a, and does nothing but'a nag'a, nag'a, nag'a?

"Tony, why'a you ask'a me that'a?  No, I don't'a like'a that'a kind'a woman."

"Joey, do you'a like'a a smelly woman?  Smelly, hairy arm'a'pits, unwashed'a hair'a?

"Tony, why'a you ask'a me that'a?  No, I don't'a like'a that'a kind'a woman."

"Then, Joey, answer'a me one'a last'a question.  You'a say'a you'a don't'a like'a that'a kind'a woman, then why'a are you'a sleeping with'a my wife?

[2Stater]

  for the last 2 jokes and e-creds!

[N.AL-Tider]

A couple were in a busy shopping center just before Christmas.  The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and as they had a lot of shopping to do, she called him on his cell phone.  The wife said, "Where are you?  You know we have lots to do."  He said, "Do you remember the jewelry store we went into about 10 years ago and you fell in love with that diamond necklace but I could not afford it at the time and I said that one day I would get it for you?"

Some tears started to flow down her cheek and she got all choked up...

"Yes, I do remember that shop." she replied.

"Well, I am in the gun shop next door to that."

[Catch Prothro]

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QJp7fSvzYA" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QJp7fSvzYA</a>

[2Stater]

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QJp7fSvzYA" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QJp7fSvzYA</a>

Bwaaahaaahaahaaa!!!!!! 

[2Stater]

[N.AL-Tider]

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous.

They are always getting into trouble and their parents
know if any mischief occurs in their town,
the two boys are probably involved.

The boy's mother heard that a preacher in town
had been successful in disciplining children,
so she asked if he would speak with her boys.
The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.

The mother sent the 8 year old in the morning,
with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice,
sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,
"Do you know where God is, son?"

The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response,
sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone,
"Where is God?! 
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. 
The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger
in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE is GOD?!"

The boy screamed & bolted from the room,
ran directly home & dove into his closet,
slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked,
"What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied,
"We are in BIG trouble this time!"
"GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"

[2Stater]

 

[N.AL-Tider]

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter, dear?", she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?". The husband looks up from his coffee, Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. "Yes I do" she replies. The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love? "Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?" "I remember that too" she replied softly.

 He wiped another tear from his cheek and said...... "I would have gotten out today."

[2Stater]

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter, dear?", she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?". The husband looks up from his coffee, Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. "Yes I do" she replies. The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love? "Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?" "I remember that too" she replied softly.

 He wiped another tear from his cheek and said...... "I would have gotten out today."

An oldie but goodie! 

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