***The Official CRS Joke Thread***

[SUPERCOACH]

I think the TAZER is for the 5 and 10 pound program.  Someone that is clever enough to trick the bank into parking their Ferrari is too smart to sign up for the 25 pound program in the first place.

[Chechem]

I think the TAZER is for the 5 and 10 pound program.  Someone that is clever enough to trick the bank into parking their Ferrari is too smart to sign up for the 25 pound program in the first place.

Exactly.

I'm opening the door, tazing her, and dragging her inside.

 

[ricky023]

I have a funny joke for you all:
Some sports reporter actually picked Clemson to win the game tonight. RTR!

[Chechem]

I have a funny joke for you all:
Some sports reporter actually picked Clemson to win the game tonight. RTR!

Was he an American?  

[SUPERCOACH]

I have a funny joke for you all:
Some sports reporter actually picked Clemson to win the game tonight. RTR!

Was he an American?   

It was Jim Mora, or at least that is who I saw.  If he knew what he was talking about Chip Kelley would not be the coach at UCLA right now. 

I've actually seen him do this before.  He has a tendency to go with the contrarian pick just to be different.

[Chechem]

Prepare yourselves for the jokes on us.

Just sayin'.

 

[N.AL-Tider]

An old hunter named Bob from Arkansas sitting at a bar orders a double-shot and slams it down. He orders another and slams it down. He orders a third and drops the drink on the bar, breaks the glass and it falls in his lap and cuts his organ.

 A man sitting next to him says, "That must be the worst hurt in the world".
Bob replies, "Nope, for me its the 3rd worst hurt I've experienced".

 The man holds his forehead and says, "What was the second worst hurt?"

 Bob tells him, "I was out in the woods hunting and had to take a crap. I went between some trees and squatted down and my "family jewels" set off a bear trap".

 The man in disbelief says, "WOW! What was the first worst hurt?"

 Bob replied "When I reached the end of the chain".

[2Stater]

An old hunter named Bob from Arkansas sitting at a bar orders a double-shot and slams it down. He orders another and slams it down. He orders a third and drops the drink on the bar, breaks the glass and it falls in his lap and cuts his organ.

 A man sitting next to him says, "That must be the worst hurt in the world".
Bob replies, "Nope, for me its the 3rd worst hurt I've experienced".

 The man holds his forehead and says, "What was the second worst hurt?"

 Bob tells him, "I was out in the woods hunting and had to take a crap. I went between some trees and squatted down and my "family jewels" set off a bear trap".

 The man in disbelief says, "WOW! What was the first worst hurt?"

 Bob replied "When I reached the end of the chain".

  I heard that one a little differently, but just as funny.

[Chechem]

An old hunter named Bob from Arkansas sitting at a bar orders a double-shot and slams it down. He orders another and slams it down. He orders a third and drops the drink on the bar, breaks the glass and it falls in his lap and cuts his organ.

 A man sitting next to him says, "That must be the worst hurt in the world".
Bob replies, "Nope, for me its the 3rd worst hurt I've experienced".

 The man holds his forehead and says, "What was the second worst hurt?"

 Bob tells him, "I was out in the woods hunting and had to take a crap. I went between some trees and squatted down and my "family jewels" set off a bear trap".

 The man in disbelief says, "WOW! What was the first worst hurt?"

 Bob replied "When I reached the end of the chain".

  I heard that one a little differently, but just as funny.

I think 2 told me that one during a fishing trip.   

[2Stater]

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number of the patient?"

The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, Norma Findlay, Room 302."
The operator replied, "Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse's station for that room."

After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said,
"I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her
blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and her
Physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow."
The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good News."

The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"

The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me sh**."

[N.AL-Tider]

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number of the patient?"

The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, Norma Findlay, Room 302."
The operator replied, "Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse's station for that room."

After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said,
"I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her
blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and her
Physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow."
The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good News."

The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"

The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me sh**."

That's a good one.  Sadly though, there is much truth to that one...

[2Stater]

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number of the patient?"

The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, Norma Findlay, Room 302."
The operator replied, "Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse's station for that room."

After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said,
"I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her
blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and her
Physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow."
The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good News."

The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"

The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me sh**."

That's a good one.  Sadly though, there is much truth to that one...

You're right, NALT, this was taken from FB. They said it was a true story.

[Catch Prothro]

[2Stater]

 

[2Stater]

Well, I'm at the emergency room 😩. This day has kinda taken a turn for the worst. I got the chance to go horseback riding, something I haven't done in a while. Big mistake. I got on the horse and started out slowly, but I got cocky. So we started going a little faster and before I knew it, we were going as fast as the horse could go. And when I tried to stop the horse, I couldn't stop him, he must have gotten spooked or something.

He was out of control, so I decided to try to jump off the horse, and instead, I fell off, but as I was falling, my foot got caught in the stirrup , so the horse was dragging me. And he wouldn't stop. Every time I screamed at him to stop, the horse went faster. Thank goodness the manager came out and unplugged the machine. But he had the nerve to take the rest of my quarters so I wouldn't attempt to ride it again. 

[Guest]

Username:
Password:
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever

Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

There aren't any users online.

Loading Tweet...