***The Official CRS Joke Thread***

[N.AL-Tider]

As the WWII bomber pilot settled into his seat, he pulled out a .38 revolver and placed it on top of the instrument panel.
 Turning to the navigator, he asked, "Do you know what I use this for?" The navigator replied timidly, "No, Sir, what's it for?"
 The pilot responded, "I use it on navigators that get me lost!"

 The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart table. The pilot asked, "What's that for?"

 "To be honest sir," the navigator replied, "I'll know we're lost before you do."

[N.AL-Tider]

Robert asked the televangelist to pray for his hearing.
 After 3 minutes of violent shaking and trying to push him over backwards the preacher ask, "how's your hearing"?
 Robert replied, " I don't know. It doesn't take place until Tuesday at the courthouse."

[2Stater]

One day when ex President Clinton returned from a trip to Arkansas he disembarked the presidential helicopter on the White House lawn leading a razorback pig on a leash down the gangway. The Marine Honor Guard saluted the president and smartly replied "Welcome back Sir". President Clinton said to the Marine "Do you know what I have here?" The Marine replied "Yes Sir, a Pig Sir". President Clinton replied "this is not just any pig, this is an Arkansas Razorback Pig that I got for Hillary". The Marine replied "Good trade Sir".

An oldie but goody. 

[2Stater]

Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man
Walking with his legs spread apart.

He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.

One student said to his friend:

"I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome.
Those people walk just like that."

The other student says:

"No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome.
He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."

Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him
And one of the students said to him,

"We're medical students and couldn't help
But notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have.
Could you tell us what it is?"

The old man said,

"I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."

The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."

The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought, but you are wrong."

So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"

The old man said,

"I thought it was gas but I was wrong, too!"

[pmull]

[2Stater]

 

[2Stater]

 

Sounds like it worked perfectly!   

[N.AL-Tider]

One Sunday morning, the preacher noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque.

It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it.

The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the preacher walked up; stood beside the little boy; and said quietly, "Good morning, Alex."

"Good morning, Preacher," he replied, still  focused on the plaque. "Preacher, what is this?"

The preacher replied, "Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."

Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked, "Which service, the 8:00 or 10:30?"

[2Stater]

  E-cred!

[N.AL-Tider]

E-cred!

lol...thanks.  Kind of concerned about what Brother Ricky might have to say about it though... 

[Catch Prothro]

A petrol station owner in Ireland was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up.'

Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10.
If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.

Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were close.
The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.'

A week later, Paddy, along with his friend Mick, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.

Paddy guessed 2. The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3.
You were close, but no free sex this time.'

As they were driving away, Mick said to Paddy,
'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really
give away free sex at all.'

Paddy replied, 'No it's genuine enough Mick.

My wife won twice last week.'

[2Stater]

A petrol station owner in Ireland was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up.'

Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10.
If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.

Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were close.
The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.'

A week later, Paddy, along with his friend Mick, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.

Paddy guessed 2. The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3.
You were close, but no free sex this time.'

As they were driving away, Mick said to Paddy,
'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really
give away free sex at all.'

Paddy replied, 'No it's genuine enough Mick.

My wife won twice last week.'

I heard this as a southern joke with Bubba and Earl. 

[cbbama99]

A priest and a Baptist minister were standing by the side of the road with a sign that said "The end is near." A young fellow came speeding up in a car, read the sign, and began mocking the two men. He tore off down the road, only to have his car go over into a ravine. The minister asked the priest, "You suppose we should just have a sign that says 'Bridge Out'?"

[2Stater]

A priest and a Baptist minister were standing by the side of the road with a sign that said "The end is near." A young fellow came speeding up in a car, read the sign, and began mocking the two men. He tore off down the road, only to have his car go over into a ravine. The minister asked the priest, "You suppose we should just have a sign that says 'Bridge Out'?"

 

[N.AL-Tider]

I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF.
He looked up and me and said "I am NOT Happy!"

So I said, "Well, which one ARE you then?"

That's how the fight started...

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