***The Official CRS Joke Thread***

[2Stater]

I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF.
He looked up and me and said "I am NOT Happy!"

So I said, "Well, which one ARE you then?"

That's how the fight started...

Bwaaahaaahaaahaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

[2Stater]

[Chechem]

From someone in your family, 2??

 

[2Stater]

From someone in your family, 2??

 

Ain't nothing cheap about my girls. That's why I stay broke. 

[Chechem]

From someone in your family, 2??

 

Ain't nothing cheap about my girls. That's why I stay broke. 

Translated:

[2Stater]

From someone in your family, 2??

 

Ain't nothing cheap about my girls. That's why I stay broke. 

Translated:

I'm sorry, I don't see 'Greatest dad ever' in there anywhere. 

[Chechem]

From someone in your family, 2??

 

Ain't nothing cheap about my girls. That's why I stay broke. 

Translated:

I'm sorry, I don't see 'Greatest dad ever' in there anywhere. 

Maybe this:

[N.AL-Tider]

Drive up Banking :

"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, "MALE & FEMALE" procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."
*******************************
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
*******************************
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card
9 Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of check book.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Re-dial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brak

[SUPERCOACH]

I don't know why but that last step made me spit coffee on my screen for some reason. 

[N.AL-Tider]

I don't know why but that last step made me spit coffee on my screen for some reason. 

lol. That was a bit of a surprise wasn't it?

 

[SUPERCOACH]

I don't know why but that last step made me spit coffee on my screen for some reason. 

lol. That was a bit of a surprise wasn't it?

 

Yep. 

[2Stater]

[SUPERCOACH]

Maybe they should apply at McDonald's. 

[2Stater]

Maybe they should apply at McDonald's. 

Even McDonald's has their standards. 

[N.AL-Tider]

At the Sunday morning church service, the minister asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.
A lady stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a Praise.
Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle crash and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was terrible and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."
You could hear a muffled gasp from all the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.
"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every movement caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a very delicate operation, which lasted for over five hours, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."
Again, the men in the congregation were unnerved and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery that was performed on Tom.
"Now," she announced in a quavering voice, "thank the Lord, after six weeks, Tom is now out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."
All the men sighed with relief.
The minister rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.
He said, "I'm Tom."
The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife that the word is sternum."

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