***The Official CRS Joke Thread***

[td57]

Gotta give credit where credit's due on this one. Pat Dye back in the 80s. 

I was on the recruiting trail down south Alabama. Came up on a rural general store and stopped in for a RC and moon pie. While there nature called so I ask to owner where the restroom was. He politely pointed at the back door so out I go. Got to the outhouse and it was a 2 seater. An old farmer was on the hole so I said hello and went about my business.
Directly the old gent got up and while pulling up his overalls, a 20 dollar bill fell out and went right in the hole. After a long pause, the farmer reached in the bid of his overalls and pulled out another $20 and dropped it down the hole. I couldn't believe it so I had the ask the old guy why in the world he did that.
He said "I figure it ain't worth getting down in that hole for 20 dollars. But $40!"

[N.AL-Tider]

Pat Dye and Paul "Bear" Bryant were playing golf one nice sunny afternoon in the summer.  Pat was, as usual, getting beat by Bear.  He eventually summoned up the courage to mention to Bear how he was getting depressed because he just couldn't seem to beat Bear at anything they do.  Further, it was effecting his marriage in that Mrs. Dye never wanted to "be" with him lately.  Bear smiled and told Pat, "Pat, let me tell you what to do so that Mrs. Dye will be willing to give you some luvin."  Pat got all excited and told Bear to go ahead and fill him in.  So, Bear told Pat to go home and wait until Mrs. Dye went to bed.  After a few minutes he should  drop his pants, walk into the bedroom and start whacking his junk against the foot-board of the bed.  In fact, Bear guaranteed that would work for Pat.  So that night when Pat got home he sat around and waited.  Directly Mrs. Dye went to bed  so Pat waited about 20 minutes and decided to give Bear's suggestion a try.  He drops his pants, walks proudly into the bedroom and starts whacking his junk as hard as he could against the foot-board.  Mrs. Dye raised her head and with lots of excitement in her voice said, "Bear? Is that you?"

[N.AL-Tider]

An octogenarian who was an avid golfer moved to a new town and joined the local Country Club. He went to the Club for the first time to play, but was told that there wasn't anybody he could play with because they were already out on the course. He repeated several times that he really wanted to play today. Finally, the assistant Pro said he would play with him and asked him how many strokes he wanted for a bet. The 80-year-old said, "I really don't need any strokes as I have been playing quite well. The only real problem I have, is getting out of sand traps." And he did play well. Coming to the par four 18th, they were all even. The Pro had a nice drive and was able to get on the green and two-putt for a par. The old man had a nice drive, but his approach shot landed in a sand trap next to the green. Playing from the bunker he hit a high ball, which landed on the green and rolled into the cup. Birdie, match and all the money! The Pro walked over to the sand trap where his opponent was still standing in the trap. He said: "nice shot, but I thought you said you have a problem getting out of sand traps?" Replied the octogenarian "I do, would you please give me a hand.

[Chechem]

An octogenarian who was an avid golfer moved to a new town and joined the local Country Club. He went to the Club for the first time to play, but was told that there wasn't anybody he could play with because they were already out on the course. He repeated several times that he really wanted to play today. Finally, the assistant Pro said he would play with him and asked him how many strokes he wanted for a bet. The 80-year-old said, "I really don't need any strokes as I have been playing quite well. The only real problem I have, is getting out of sand traps." And he did play well. Coming to the par four 18th, they were all even. The Pro had a nice drive and was able to get on the green and two-putt for a par. The old man had a nice drive, but his approach shot landed in a sand trap next to the green. Playing from the bunker he hit a high ball, which landed on the green and rolled into the cup. Birdie, match and all the money! The Pro walked over to the sand trap where his opponent was still standing in the trap. He said: "nice shot, but I thought you said you have a problem getting out of sand traps?" Replied the octogenarian "I do, would you please give me a hand.

[2Stater]

An octogenarian who was an avid golfer moved to a new town and joined the local Country Club. He went to the Club for the first time to play, but was told that there wasn't anybody he could play with because they were already out on the course. He repeated several times that he really wanted to play today. Finally, the assistant Pro said he would play with him and asked him how many strokes he wanted for a bet. The 80-year-old said, "I really don't need any strokes as I have been playing quite well. The only real problem I have, is getting out of sand traps." And he did play well. Coming to the par four 18th, they were all even. The Pro had a nice drive and was able to get on the green and two-putt for a par. The old man had a nice drive, but his approach shot landed in a sand trap next to the green. Playing from the bunker he hit a high ball, which landed on the green and rolled into the cup. Birdie, match and all the money! The Pro walked over to the sand trap where his opponent was still standing in the trap. He said: "nice shot, but I thought you said you have a problem getting out of sand traps?" Replied the octogenarian "I do, would you please give me a hand.

 

[2Stater]

[2Stater]

This little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with passing gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. It never smells and it’s always silent. As a matter of fact I’ve passed gas at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was passing gas because it doesn’t smell and it’s silent.

The doctor says "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don’t know what you gave me, but now my passing gas… although still silent, it stinks terribly." "Good", the doctor said, "now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, we’ll start to work on your hearing."

[Chechem]

This little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with passing gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. It never smells and it’s always silent. As a matter of fact I’ve passed gas at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was passing gas because it doesn’t smell and it’s silent.

The doctor says "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don’t know what you gave me, but now my passing gas… although still silent, it stinks terribly." "Good", the doctor said, "now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, we’ll start to work on your hearing."

[Chechem]

Same lady goes to see the same doctor.  "I hurt all over", she says.  She touches her knee and screams.  She touches her forehead and screams again in pain.

Doc: "You've got a broken finger!"

[2Stater]

Same lady goes to see the same doctor.  "I hurt all over", she says.  She touches her knee and screams.  She touches her forehead and screams again in pain.

Doc: "You've got a broken finger!"

  Another oldie but goody.

[Chechem]

[2Stater]

  Bwaaahaaahaaahaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!

[N.AL-Tider]

A little girl asks her mom, "Mom, can I take the dog for a walk around the block?"

Her mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."

"What does that mean?" asked the child.

"Go and ask your father I think he's in the garage."

The little girl goes out to the garage and says, "Dad, can I take Lulu for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come ask you."

He took a rag, soaked it in gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent and said, "Ok, you can go now, but keep Lulu on the leash and only go one time around the block."

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.

Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Lulu?"


The little girls said, "She ran out of gas about halfway around the block, so another dog is pushing her home."

[Chechem]

A little girl asks her mom, "Mom, can I take the dog for a walk around the block?"

Her mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."

"What does that mean?" asked the child.

"Go and ask your father I think he's in the garage."

The little girl goes out to the garage and says, "Dad, can I take Lulu for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come ask you."

He took a rag, soaked it in gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent and said, "Ok, you can go now, but keep Lulu on the leash and only go one time around the block."

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.

Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Lulu?"


The little girls said, "She ran out of gas about halfway around the block, so another dog is pushing her home."

[Chechem]

BTW, as per your other joke:

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qv5fqunQ_4I" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qv5fqunQ_4I</a>

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