Crimson Red Sports
 
 

* Overall Winners
SUPERCOACH
86-66 (1214)

2Stater
86-66 (1469)

Hannibal Lecter, MD
85-64 (1075)

pmull
84-67 (1137)

83-67 (1264)

ricky023
82-70 (1278)

Merk
80-67 (1227)

BAMADCHAMPSHIPS
80-69 (1392)

td57
80-71 (1119)

Chechem
79-73 (1307)


* Most E-Cred
Kgoode35+
E-Cred: 1000009
2Stater 2Stater
E-Cred: 7921
Chechem Chechem
E-Cred: 7228
pmull pmull
E-Cred: 6111
Jamos Jamos
E-Cred: 5801
SUPERCOACH SUPERCOACH
E-Cred: 5654
Catch Prothro Catch Prothro
E-Cred: 5215
ricky023 ricky023
E-Cred: 5063
XBAMA XBAMA
E-Cred: 4632
Merk Merk
E-Cred: 3915
bama57 bama57
E-Cred: 3858
KoKoPuf
E-Cred: 3504
BAMADCHAMPSHIPS BAMADCHAMPSHIPS
E-Cred: 3378
Leewillie Leewillie
E-Cred: 3348
N.AL-Tider N.AL-Tider
E-Cred: 3191
Bamaphile Bamaphile
E-Cred: 3183
td57 td57
E-Cred: 3139
Marshal Dillon Marshal Dillon
E-Cred: 3072
bamaphil bamaphil
E-Cred: 2962
Hannibal Lecter, MD Hannibal Lecter, MD
E-Cred: 2961

Pages: 1 ... 35 36 37 38 [39] 40 41 42 43 ... 62   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: ***The Official CRS Joke Thread***  (Read 218767 times)
2Stater
President Denny
*****

E-Cred: 7921
Offline Offline

     Male

Posts: 55947

2Stater

Kazowie!


View Profile
« Reply #570 on: April 23, 2020, 07:39:07 AM »

A man and a woman are having dinner in a restaurant.

Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away, spots that the man is slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned.

As the waitress watches, the man slides all the way under and out of sight. Still, the woman dining opposite him appears not to notice.

Finally, the waitress comes over to the table and whispers discreetly to the woman, “Pardon me, ma’am, but I think your husband just slid under the table.”

“No, he didn’t,” the woman calmly replies. “He just walked in the door.”

 Laughing Laughing Laughing
Logged
Chechem
President Denny
*****

E-Cred: 7228
Offline Offline

Posts: 66194

Chechem


View Profile
« Reply #571 on: April 23, 2020, 08:30:59 AM »

A man and a woman are having dinner in a restaurant.

Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away, spots that the man is slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned.

As the waitress watches, the man slides all the way under and out of sight. Still, the woman dining opposite him appears not to notice.

Finally, the waitress comes over to the table and whispers discreetly to the woman, “Pardon me, ma’am, but I think your husband just slid under the table.”

“No, he didn’t,” the woman calmly replies. “He just walked in the door.”

 Laughing Laughing Laughing
Applause E-Cred
Logged

N.AL-Tider
Coach Wallace Wade
*****

E-Cred: 3191
Offline Offline

Posts: 9093

N.AL-Tider


View Profile
« Reply #572 on: April 24, 2020, 05:36:29 AM »

Dear Granddaughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a “Honk if you love Jesus” bumper sticker.

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed!

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn’t notice that the light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn’t honked, I’d never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, “For the love of God! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!”

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.

I asked your cousin Jimmy in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.

Jimmy burst out laughing. Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray together or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon,

Love, Grandma
Logged

"Play by play, that’s how we win here."

Eddie Jackson  Dec. 2016
N.AL-Tider
Coach Wallace Wade
*****

E-Cred: 3191
Offline Offline

Posts: 9093

N.AL-Tider


View Profile
« Reply #573 on: April 24, 2020, 05:40:02 AM »

A crusty old Marine Corps SgtMaj found himself at a gala event downtown, hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sgt Major for conversation.

She said, "Excuse me, SgtMajor, but you seem to be a very serious man. Are you this way all the time, or is something bothering you?"
"Negative ma'am," the Sgt Maj said, "just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
The SgtMaj short reply was, "Yes ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, You know, you should lighten up a little - relax and enjoy yourself." The SgtMajor just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"
The SgtMaj looked at her and replied, "1955."

She said, "Well there you go; you really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously - I mean, no sex since 1955, isn't that a little extreme?"
The SgtMajor, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "Oh, I don't know. It's only 2130 now."
Logged

"Play by play, that’s how we win here."

Eddie Jackson  Dec. 2016
N.AL-Tider
Coach Wallace Wade
*****

E-Cred: 3191
Offline Offline

Posts: 9093

N.AL-Tider


View Profile
« Reply #574 on: April 24, 2020, 05:42:56 AM »

Al and Joe are bungee-jumping one day. Al says to Joe, "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico. They don't have it there."

Joe thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they'll need: a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.

They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble.

Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. When they had finished, there was such a crowd they thought it would be a good idea to give
a demonstration.

So Al jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up Joe notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, Joe isn't able to catch him, and he falls again, bounces and comes back up again. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again Joe misses him.

Al falls again and bounces back up. This time he comes back pretty messed up: he's got a couple of broken bones and the cuts and scratches have become deep gashes. His whole body is bruised, and
he is barely conscious.

Luckily, Joe finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"

Barely able to speak, Al gasps, "No the bungee cord was fine. It was the crowd.

What is a pińata?"
Logged

"Play by play, that’s how we win here."

Eddie Jackson  Dec. 2016
2Stater
President Denny
*****

E-Cred: 7921
Offline Offline

     Male

Posts: 55947

2Stater

Kazowie!


View Profile
« Reply #575 on: April 24, 2020, 08:56:04 PM »

“My Colonoscopy” ~ By Dave Barry

I called my friend, Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.

Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manor. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said because my brain was shrieking, HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!

I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called "MoviPrep" which comes in box large enough to hold a microwave oven.

I will discuss Movi Prep in detail later, for now, suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall in the hands of America's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. I began my preparation.

In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water only with less flavor.

Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one liter plastic jug, then you fill it with luke warm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system a liter is about 32 gallons.)

Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be graphic, here, but have you ever seen the space shuttle launch?

This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle.

There are times when you wish the commode had a seatbelt.

You spent several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife took me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I have been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage.

I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?" How do you apologized to a friend for something like that?

Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said.

Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Edie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Edie was very good and I was already lying down.

Edie, also told me that some people put vodka in their MovePrep.

At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode.

You would have no choice but to burn your house down.

When everything was ready, Edie wheeled me into the procedure room where Andy was waiting with the nurse and an anesthesiologist I did not see the 17,000 foot tube but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere, I was nervous, seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist begin hooking something up to the needle in my hand.

There was music playing in the room, and the song was "Dancing Queen" by Abba, I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, "Dancing Queen" has to be the least appropriate.

"You want me to turn it up" said Andy, from somewhere behind me. "Ha ha," I said. And then it was time, the moment I have been dreading for more than a decade.

If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling "Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine," and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.

Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that it was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors.

I have never been prouder of an internal organ.
Logged
N.AL-Tider
Coach Wallace Wade
*****

E-Cred: 3191
Offline Offline

Posts: 9093

N.AL-Tider


View Profile
« Reply #576 on: April 25, 2020, 08:28:46 PM »

 Applause E-Cred Applause E-Cred Applause E-Cred  That is another old one but I get tickled up reading it EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.   Laughing Laughing Laughing
Logged

"Play by play, that’s how we win here."

Eddie Jackson  Dec. 2016
N.AL-Tider
Coach Wallace Wade
*****

E-Cred: 3191
Offline Offline

Posts: 9093

N.AL-Tider


View Profile
« Reply #577 on: April 26, 2020, 08:25:59 AM »

Jack decided to go skiing with his best friend buddy, Bob.

So they loaded up Jack’s minivan and headed north.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.

So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

“I realize it’s terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I’m recently widowed,” she explained. “I’m afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.”

“Don’t worry,” Jack said. “We’ll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we’ll be gone at first light.”

The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, “Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north ab out 9 months ago?”

“Yes, I do.” said Bob.

“Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?”

“Well, um, yes!,” Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, “I have to admit that I did.”

“And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?”

Bob’s face turned beet red and he said, “Yeah, look, I’m sorry, buddy. I’m afraid I did. Why do you ask?”
*
*
*
*
*
“She just died and left me everything.”
Logged

"Play by play, that’s how we win here."

Eddie Jackson  Dec. 2016
N.AL-Tider
Coach Wallace Wade
*****

E-Cred: 3191
Offline Offline

Posts: 9093

N.AL-Tider


View Profile
« Reply #578 on: April 26, 2020, 08:28:13 AM »

The Priest and the Nun ...

A priest and a nun are on their way back from the seminary when their car breaks down.

The garage doesn’t open until morning so they have to spend the night in a hotel. It only has one room available.

The priest says: “Sister, I don’t think the Lord would object if we spend the night sharing this one room. I’ll sleep on the sofa and you have the bed.”

“I think that would be fine,” agrees the nun.

They prepare for bed, say some prayers and settle down to sleep.

Ten minutes pass, and the nun says: “Father, I’m very cold.”

“OK,” says the priest, “I’ll get a blanket from the cupboard.”

Another ten minutes pass and the nun says again: “Father, I’m still terribly cold.”

The priest says: “Don’t worry, I’ll get up and fetch you another blanket.”

Another ten minutes pass, then the nun murmurs softly: “Father I’m still very cold. I don’t think the Lord would mind if we acted as man and wife just for a night.”

“You’re right,” says the priest.
*
*
*
*
*
Get your own blankets.”
Logged

"Play by play, that’s how we win here."

Eddie Jackson  Dec. 2016
N.AL-Tider
Coach Wallace Wade
*****

E-Cred: 3191
Offline Offline

Posts: 9093

N.AL-Tider


View Profile
« Reply #579 on: April 27, 2020, 08:00:32 AM »

Three men, Gary, Dan, and Job, grew up together as best friends. They dreamed of one day becoming rich and would do anything to attain wealth. One day, as they were sitting in the local bar, they overheard another group of men discussing the long lost buried treasure of Captain Sleazybeard. The three friends agree that this is their chance to make it big and decide to go together to find this treasure.

After searching for months deep in the jungle, they come across a cave that they are certain contains the treasure. There are many traps within the cave: poisoned arrows, moats of crocodiles, pits of fire, and rolling boulders, but the three friends are determined to get their wealth. Finally, they reach the deepest part of the cave and it is *filled* with treasure: gold, diamonds, rubies, and more! In the center of the cave is a large sepulcher with the words of a strange language written across it and depictions of death and suffering all along its sides. The three friends paid it no heed and proceeded to fill their pockets and backpacks with treasure. Suddenly the door of the sepulcher burst open and a black, decrepit coffin *floated* out. From out of the coffin arose a rotting hand holding a large ceremonial dagger. The coffin slowly came towards Gary, Dan, and Job, the hand stabbing at the air as it went. The men let out a shriek, grabbed their bags full of treasure, and ran from the cave.

Years passed and the three men had enjoyed their newfound wealth, each buying his own luxurious mansion, servants, cars, and whatever they desired. One day, as Gary was staring out of his mansion window, he noticed something on the horizon. It was that coffin with the dreadful hand still stabbing at air, and it was slowly floating toward his home. Gary shouted for the butlers to bar the doors and Gary grabbed his prized elephant gun. The doors didn't stop the coffin though, it plodded right through. Gary shot frantically, but the bullets didn't affect the coffin at all. The coffin stabbed Gary, and the life faded quickly from his eyes.

Dan heard about Gary's death and feared for his own life, so he hired many trained mercenaries as guards to protect him. Soon enough, Dan saw the coffin coming for his luxurious mansion and sounded the alarm. The guards locked all of the doors and opened fire on the coffin, but it didn't stop! Grenades, machine guns, RPGs, none of it could stop the coffin. The guards, seeing the vanity of their efforts, fled in terror. Dan begged and begged for the coffin to stop, but it kept coming. The coffin stabbed Dan right in the heart, and the man fell to the ground lifeless, the white marble floor of his manor now marred by streaks of crimson.

Job, of course, heard of the deaths of his two friends and feared the coffin. He built a large wall of iron around his house, he hired guards, planted landmines, and set traps (he had the money to do so, after all). When the coffin came, none of it helped. The coffin plowed through the wall, floated over the landmines, was unaffected by the traps, and overpowered the guards. The coffin busted down Job's mansion doors and began making it's way toward him. Job, desperate, began throwing anything he could grab at the coffin: dining room chairs, knives, forks, and even his pet cat (poor Mr. Whiskers!), but the coffin didn't stop. Job fled to his bathroom, hoping the coffin couldn't find him there, but he soon heard the swish of air from the swinging of the coffin's dagger. Before Job could attempt to flee again, the door came crashing down. In one final attempt to save his life, Job opened the bathroom medicine cabinet and threw a package of Halls extra strength lozenges, and the coffin stopped.
Logged

"Play by play, that’s how we win here."

Eddie Jackson  Dec. 2016
N.AL-Tider
Coach Wallace Wade
*****

E-Cred: 3191
Offline Offline

Posts: 9093

N.AL-Tider


View Profile
« Reply #580 on: April 27, 2020, 08:02:20 AM »

Blondes have more fun. . . parking
One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park..........." Then the electric power goes out. Norman's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snow plow can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Norman says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
Logged

"Play by play, that’s how we win here."

Eddie Jackson  Dec. 2016
2Stater
President Denny
*****

E-Cred: 7921
Offline Offline

     Male

Posts: 55947

2Stater

Kazowie!


View Profile
« Reply #581 on: April 27, 2020, 08:12:57 AM »

Three men, Gary, Dan, and Job, grew up together as best friends. They dreamed of one day becoming rich and would do anything to attain wealth. One day, as they were sitting in the local bar, they overheard another group of men discussing the long lost buried treasure of Captain Sleazybeard. The three friends agree that this is their chance to make it big and decide to go together to find this treasure.

After searching for months deep in the jungle, they come across a cave that they are certain contains the treasure. There are many traps within the cave: poisoned arrows, moats of crocodiles, pits of fire, and rolling boulders, but the three friends are determined to get their wealth. Finally, they reach the deepest part of the cave and it is *filled* with treasure: gold, diamonds, rubies, and more! In the center of the cave is a large sepulcher with the words of a strange language written across it and depictions of death and suffering all along its sides. The three friends paid it no heed and proceeded to fill their pockets and backpacks with treasure. Suddenly the door of the sepulcher burst open and a black, decrepit coffin *floated* out. From out of the coffin arose a rotting hand holding a large ceremonial dagger. The coffin slowly came towards Gary, Dan, and Job, the hand stabbing at the air as it went. The men let out a shriek, grabbed their bags full of treasure, and ran from the cave.

Years passed and the three men had enjoyed their newfound wealth, each buying his own luxurious mansion, servants, cars, and whatever they desired. One day, as Gary was staring out of his mansion window, he noticed something on the horizon. It was that coffin with the dreadful hand still stabbing at air, and it was slowly floating toward his home. Gary shouted for the butlers to bar the doors and Gary grabbed his prized elephant gun. The doors didn't stop the coffin though, it plodded right through. Gary shot frantically, but the bullets didn't affect the coffin at all. The coffin stabbed Gary, and the life faded quickly from his eyes.

Dan heard about Gary's death and feared for his own life, so he hired many trained mercenaries as guards to protect him. Soon enough, Dan saw the coffin coming for his luxurious mansion and sounded the alarm. The guards locked all of the doors and opened fire on the coffin, but it didn't stop! Grenades, machine guns, RPGs, none of it could stop the coffin. The guards, seeing the vanity of their efforts, fled in terror. Dan begged and begged for the coffin to stop, but it kept coming. The coffin stabbed Dan right in the heart, and the man fell to the ground lifeless, the white marble floor of his manor now marred by streaks of crimson.

Job, of course, heard of the deaths of his two friends and feared the coffin. He built a large wall of iron around his house, he hired guards, planted landmines, and set traps (he had the money to do so, after all). When the coffin came, none of it helped. The coffin plowed through the wall, floated over the landmines, was unaffected by the traps, and overpowered the guards. The coffin busted down Job's mansion doors and began making it's way toward him. Job, desperate, began throwing anything he could grab at the coffin: dining room chairs, knives, forks, and even his pet cat (poor Mr. Whiskers!), but the coffin didn't stop. Job fled to his bathroom, hoping the coffin couldn't find him there, but he soon heard the swish of air from the swinging of the coffin's dagger. Before Job could attempt to flee again, the door came crashing down. In one final attempt to save his life, Job opened the bathroom medicine cabinet and threw a package of Halls extra strength lozenges, and the coffin stopped.

 
Logged
Hannibal Lecter, MD
Coach Wallace Wade
*****

E-Cred: 2961
Offline Offline

Posts: 7873

Hannibal Lecter, MD


View Profile
« Reply #582 on: April 27, 2020, 08:29:37 AM »

Three men, Gary, Dan, and Job, grew up together as best friends. They dreamed of one day becoming rich and would do anything to attain wealth. One day, as they were sitting in the local bar, they overheard another group of men discussing the long lost buried treasure of Captain Sleazybeard. The three friends agree that this is their chance to make it big and decide to go together to find this treasure.

After searching for months deep in the jungle, they come across a cave that they are certain contains the treasure. There are many traps within the cave: poisoned arrows, moats of crocodiles, pits of fire, and rolling boulders, but the three friends are determined to get their wealth. Finally, they reach the deepest part of the cave and it is *filled* with treasure: gold, diamonds, rubies, and more! In the center of the cave is a large sepulcher with the words of a strange language written across it and depictions of death and suffering all along its sides. The three friends paid it no heed and proceeded to fill their pockets and backpacks with treasure. Suddenly the door of the sepulcher burst open and a black, decrepit coffin *floated* out. From out of the coffin arose a rotting hand holding a large ceremonial dagger. The coffin slowly came towards Gary, Dan, and Job, the hand stabbing at the air as it went. The men let out a shriek, grabbed their bags full of treasure, and ran from the cave.

Years passed and the three men had enjoyed their newfound wealth, each buying his own luxurious mansion, servants, cars, and whatever they desired. One day, as Gary was staring out of his mansion window, he noticed something on the horizon. It was that coffin with the dreadful hand still stabbing at air, and it was slowly floating toward his home. Gary shouted for the butlers to bar the doors and Gary grabbed his prized elephant gun. The doors didn't stop the coffin though, it plodded right through. Gary shot frantically, but the bullets didn't affect the coffin at all. The coffin stabbed Gary, and the life faded quickly from his eyes.

Dan heard about Gary's death and feared for his own life, so he hired many trained mercenaries as guards to protect him. Soon enough, Dan saw the coffin coming for his luxurious mansion and sounded the alarm. The guards locked all of the doors and opened fire on the coffin, but it didn't stop! Grenades, machine guns, RPGs, none of it could stop the coffin. The guards, seeing the vanity of their efforts, fled in terror. Dan begged and begged for the coffin to stop, but it kept coming. The coffin stabbed Dan right in the heart, and the man fell to the ground lifeless, the white marble floor of his manor now marred by streaks of crimson.

Job, of course, heard of the deaths of his two friends and feared the coffin. He built a large wall of iron around his house, he hired guards, planted landmines, and set traps (he had the money to do so, after all). When the coffin came, none of it helped. The coffin plowed through the wall, floated over the landmines, was unaffected by the traps, and overpowered the guards. The coffin busted down Job's mansion doors and began making it's way toward him. Job, desperate, began throwing anything he could grab at the coffin: dining room chairs, knives, forks, and even his pet cat (poor Mr. Whiskers!), but the coffin didn't stop. Job fled to his bathroom, hoping the coffin couldn't find him there, but he soon heard the swish of air from the swinging of the coffin's dagger. Before Job could attempt to flee again, the door came crashing down. In one final attempt to save his life, Job opened the bathroom medicine cabinet and threw a package of Halls extra strength lozenges, and the coffin stopped.

Supercoach - can you put this guy in a 1-week timeout for this one?

Thanks!
Logged
N.AL-Tider
Coach Wallace Wade
*****

E-Cred: 3191
Offline Offline

Posts: 9093

N.AL-Tider


View Profile
« Reply #583 on: April 27, 2020, 08:36:54 AM »

Three men, Gary, Dan, and Job, grew up together as best friends. They dreamed of one day becoming rich and would do anything to attain wealth. One day, as they were sitting in the local bar, they overheard another group of men discussing the long lost buried treasure of Captain Sleazybeard. The three friends agree that this is their chance to make it big and decide to go together to find this treasure.

After searching for months deep in the jungle, they come across a cave that they are certain contains the treasure. There are many traps within the cave: poisoned arrows, moats of crocodiles, pits of fire, and rolling boulders, but the three friends are determined to get their wealth. Finally, they reach the deepest part of the cave and it is *filled* with treasure: gold, diamonds, rubies, and more! In the center of the cave is a large sepulcher with the words of a strange language written across it and depictions of death and suffering all along its sides. The three friends paid it no heed and proceeded to fill their pockets and backpacks with treasure. Suddenly the door of the sepulcher burst open and a black, decrepit coffin *floated* out. From out of the coffin arose a rotting hand holding a large ceremonial dagger. The coffin slowly came towards Gary, Dan, and Job, the hand stabbing at the air as it went. The men let out a shriek, grabbed their bags full of treasure, and ran from the cave.

Years passed and the three men had enjoyed their newfound wealth, each buying his own luxurious mansion, servants, cars, and whatever they desired. One day, as Gary was staring out of his mansion window, he noticed something on the horizon. It was that coffin with the dreadful hand still stabbing at air, and it was slowly floating toward his home. Gary shouted for the butlers to bar the doors and Gary grabbed his prized elephant gun. The doors didn't stop the coffin though, it plodded right through. Gary shot frantically, but the bullets didn't affect the coffin at all. The coffin stabbed Gary, and the life faded quickly from his eyes.

Dan heard about Gary's death and feared for his own life, so he hired many trained mercenaries as guards to protect him. Soon enough, Dan saw the coffin coming for his luxurious mansion and sounded the alarm. The guards locked all of the doors and opened fire on the coffin, but it didn't stop! Grenades, machine guns, RPGs, none of it could stop the coffin. The guards, seeing the vanity of their efforts, fled in terror. Dan begged and begged for the coffin to stop, but it kept coming. The coffin stabbed Dan right in the heart, and the man fell to the ground lifeless, the white marble floor of his manor now marred by streaks of crimson.

Job, of course, heard of the deaths of his two friends and feared the coffin. He built a large wall of iron around his house, he hired guards, planted landmines, and set traps (he had the money to do so, after all). When the coffin came, none of it helped. The coffin plowed through the wall, floated over the landmines, was unaffected by the traps, and overpowered the guards. The coffin busted down Job's mansion doors and began making it's way toward him. Job, desperate, began throwing anything he could grab at the coffin: dining room chairs, knives, forks, and even his pet cat (poor Mr. Whiskers!), but the coffin didn't stop. Job fled to his bathroom, hoping the coffin couldn't find him there, but he soon heard the swish of air from the swinging of the coffin's dagger. Before Job could attempt to flee again, the door came crashing down. In one final attempt to save his life, Job opened the bathroom medicine cabinet and threw a package of Halls extra strength lozenges, and the coffin stopped.

Supercoach - can you put this guy in a 1-week timeout for this one?

Thanks!
Logged

"Play by play, that’s how we win here."

Eddie Jackson  Dec. 2016
2Stater
President Denny
*****

E-Cred: 7921
Offline Offline

     Male

Posts: 55947

2Stater

Kazowie!


View Profile
« Reply #584 on: April 27, 2020, 10:01:55 AM »

Logged
Pages: 1 ... 35 36 37 38 [39] 40 41 42 43 ... 62   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  


* User Info
 
 
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

* Next Game


vs.

Day: Tuesday
Date: 12/31/2024
Time: 11:00 AM
TV: ESPN
Radio: Fun 92.7
Location: Raymond James Stadium
Tampa, FL

* Who's Online
  • Dot Guests: 502
  • Dot Hidden: 0
  • Dot Users: 0

There aren't any users online.

* Recent Posts
Re: Testing by bama57
[Yesterday at 08:04:36 AM]


Testing by SUPERCOACH
[December 23, 2024, 01:27:24 AM]


Re: ***CRIMSON RED DAILY THREAD*** by ricky023
[August 07, 2024, 07:27:45 AM]


Re: Deion Sanders culture gonna get him unemployed by ricky023
[August 06, 2024, 04:03:43 PM]


Deion Sanders culture gonna get him unemployed by N.AL-Tider
[August 06, 2024, 03:27:24 PM]


Re: ***CRIMSON RED DAILY THREAD*** by N.AL-Tider
[August 06, 2024, 12:54:12 PM]


Re: ***CRIMSON RED DAILY THREAD*** by ricky023
[August 06, 2024, 07:45:44 AM]


Re: Former Alabama DB Terrance Howard Passes Away by N.AL-Tider
[August 05, 2024, 01:13:01 PM]


Re: ***CRIMSON RED DAILY THREAD*** by N.AL-Tider
[August 05, 2024, 12:25:30 PM]


Re: ***CRIMSON RED DAILY THREAD*** by ricky023
[August 05, 2024, 10:27:59 AM]


More


* New Members
  • Dot Wsimpson174 - 30 Apr
  • Dot tzadick - 14 Nov
  • Dot debtidefan - 11 Jan
  • Dot OneOfTheIV - 30 Jul
  • Dot mepboy - 02 Dec
  • Dot Crimsonchamp22 - 19 Oct
  • Dot CoachEidson88 - 05 Sep
  • Dot Rascal - 02 Jun
  • Dot mr mako - 12 Jan
  • Dot bamarich - 12 Nov
  • Dot Bamarae - 31 Aug
  • Dot Red Elephant - 09 Jan
  • Dot TideRavens - 02 Dec
  • Dot mowood - 30 Nov
  • Dot PARMAN59 - 11 Nov
  • Dot EpicnessTV - 08 Nov
  • Dot wad3g - 22 Sep
  • Dot DCTBama - 22 Aug
  • Dot BamaMom - 03 May
  • Dot RideCharlieLikeAHarley - 14 Mar

* Board Stats
  • stats Total Members: 347
  • stats Total Posts: 401198
  • stats Total Topics: 49212
  • stats Total Categories: 2
  • stats Total Boards: 22
  • stats Most Online: 1020

 
     
Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Copyright © 2009-2024 Crimson Red Sports. All Rights Reserved.
Powered by SMF 1.1.13 | SMF © 2006-2011, Simple Machines LLC
SimplePortal 2.3.3 © 2008-2010, SimplePortal
Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Page created in 0.104 seconds with 28 queries.

Google last visited this page July 28, 2023, 12:38:44 PM