***The Official CRS Joke Thread***

[2Stater]

 

Hanni Vitalli

Hope I can find her by the maiden name...

Half my senior class. 

[Chechem]

 

Hanni Vitalli

Hope I can find her by the maiden name...

Half my senior class. 

So, you only asked out the girl half??

[2Stater]

 

Hanni Vitalli

Hope I can find her by the maiden name...

Half my senior class. 

So, you only asked out the girl half??

Large class so it took me a while, but yeah. 

[Chechem]

 

Hanni Vitalli

Hope I can find her by the maiden name...

Half my senior class. 

So, you only asked out the girl half??

Large class so it took me a while, but yeah. 

And they ALL said "only if the world is ending"?   

[2Stater]

 

Hanni Vitalli

Hope I can find her by the maiden name...

Half my senior class. 

So, you only asked out the girl half??

Large class so it took me a while, but yeah. 

And they ALL said "only if the world is ending"?   

They weren't very imaginative. 

[Chechem]

 

Hanni Vitalli

Hope I can find her by the maiden name...

Half my senior class. 

So, you only asked out the girl half??

Large class so it took me a while, but yeah. 

And they ALL said "only if the world is ending"?   

They weren't very imaginative. 

Well, about 39 years ago at least one said 'yes'.   

[Chechem]

STUPIDITY EXPLAINED.

[2Stater]

Well, about 39 years ago at least one said 'yes'.

Blind squirrel......

[2Stater]

[Chechem]

There are truly some hilarious bear comics.   

[N.AL-Tider]

A ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis; but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school.

After the first day, the boy’s parents were surprised when he walked in after school with a stern, focused and very determined expression on his face. He went straight past them, right to his room and quietly closed the door.

For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room with math books strewn about his desk and the surrounding floor. He emerged long enough to eat, and after quickly cleaning his plate, went straight back to his room, closed the door, and worked feverishly at his studies until bedtime.

This pattern of behavior continued until it was time for the first quarter’s report card. The boy walked in with it unopened, laid it on the dinner table and went straight to his room.

Cautiously, his mother opened it and, to her amazement, she saw a large red ‘A’ under the subject of Math. Overjoyed, she and her husband rushed into their son’s room, thrilled at his remarkable progress.

“Was it the nuns that did it?” the father asked. The boy shook his head and said “No.”

“Was it the one-to-one tutoring? The peer-mentoring?” “No.”

“The textbooks? The teachers? The curriculum?”

“No”, said the son. “On that first day, when I walked in the front door and saw that guy nailed to the ‘plus sign’, I KNEW they meant business!”

[2Stater]

A ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis; but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school.

After the first day, the boy’s parents were surprised when he walked in after school with a stern, focused and very determined expression on his face. He went straight past them, right to his room and quietly closed the door.

For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room with math books strewn about his desk and the surrounding floor. He emerged long enough to eat, and after quickly cleaning his plate, went straight back to his room, closed the door, and worked feverishly at his studies until bedtime.

This pattern of behavior continued until it was time for the first quarter’s report card. The boy walked in with it unopened, laid it on the dinner table and went straight to his room.

Cautiously, his mother opened it and, to her amazement, she saw a large red ‘A’ under the subject of Math. Overjoyed, she and her husband rushed into their son’s room, thrilled at his remarkable progress.

“Was it the nuns that did it?” the father asked. The boy shook his head and said “No.”

“Was it the one-to-one tutoring? The peer-mentoring?” “No.”

“The textbooks? The teachers? The curriculum?”

“No”, said the son. “On that first day, when I walked in the front door and saw that guy nailed to the ‘plus sign’, I KNEW they meant business!”

 

[N.AL-Tider]

This admiral in the navy is touring one of his ships. He gets to the mess hall and starts eating breakfast. He notices every biscuit has the navy emblem stamped into it. So he goes to ask the cook how he does it, so he can implement it on all ships.
Cook: "after I cut each biscuit I slap it into my belt buckle."
Admiral: "Yeah that's not very hygienic..."
Cook: "Well... you might want to avoid the donuts then..."

[N.AL-Tider]

God Said: "Adam, I want you to do something for me."
Adam Said: "Gladly, Lord, what do you want me to do?"
God Said: "Go down into that valley."
Adam said: "What's a valley? "
God explained it to him.
Then God said: "Cross the river."
Adam said: "What's a river?"
God explained that to him, and then said: "Go over to the hill."
Adam said: "What is a hill?"
So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.
He told Adam: "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave."
Adam said: "What's a cave?"
After God explained, He said: "In the cave you will find a woman."
Adam said: "What's a woman?"
So God explained that to him too.
Then, God said: "I want you to reproduce."
Adam said: "How do I do that?"
God first said: (under His breath), "Geez....."
And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.
So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.
Then, in about five minutes, he was back.
God, His patience wearing thin, said angrily: "What is it now?"
And Adam said: "What's a headache?"

[N.AL-Tider]

A young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by drowning herself in the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.


"You have so much to live for," Said the man, "I'm a sailor and we're off for Italy tomorrow. I can stow you on my ship. Bring you food every day and keep you happy."

With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she'd always wanted to go to Italy, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and stowed her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine and made love to her until dawn. Three week later, she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.

"What are you doing here." Asked the captain.

"I have an arrangement with one of your sailors." She replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy."

"I see." Said the captain.

Her conscious gets the best of her and she adds, "Plus he's screwing me."

"He certainly is." Replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."

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