***The Official CRS Joke Thread***

[Chechem]

NALT is our very own Jerry Clower.   I believe he grew up at Route 4, Liberty, Mississippi, with Jerry and Uncle Versi.

In other news, I did decide to start a small business on the side recently.   Hanging mirrors professionally.  I'm not quite sure why other than it was just something I could see myself doing.

 

[Hannibal Lecter, MD]

NALT is our very own Jerry Clower.   I believe he grew up at Route 4, Liberty, Mississippi, with Jerry and Uncle Versi.

In other news, I did decide to start a small business on the side recently.   Hanging mirrors professionally.  I'm not quite sure why other than it was just something I could see myself doing.

 

Did you hear about the priest that got pulled over while driving recently?

The cop says, "Father, have you been drinking?"

The padre relied, "Only water, my son."

The cop says, "I believe I smell wine on your breath, Father."

"Praise, Jesus, he's done it again!"

[2Stater]

NALT is our very own Jerry Clower.   I believe he grew up at Route 4, Liberty, Mississippi, with Jerry and Uncle Versi.

In other news, I did decide to start a small business on the side recently.   Hanging mirrors professionally.  I'm not quite sure why other than it was just something I could see myself doing.

 

[N.AL-Tider]

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the FedEx guy wants to buy Mom ."

[N.AL-Tider]

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last
instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop
of paint on their habits.

After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the
door of the room, strip off their robes & habits, and paint naked. In the
middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" calls one of the nuns. "Blind man," replies a voice from the
other side of the door.

The two nuns look at each other and shrug and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.

"Nice boobs," says the man, "Where do you want the blinds?"

[Hannibal Lecter, MD]

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last
instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop
of paint on their habits.

After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the
door of the room, strip off their robes & habits, and paint naked. In the
middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" calls one of the nuns. "Blind man," replies a voice from the
other side of the door.

The two nuns look at each other and shrug and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.

"Nice boobs," says the man, "Where do you want the blinds?"

That's the first "dirty joke" I can ever remember my older brother telling me.

[N.AL-Tider]

A woman walks into the pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum
deodorant.
The girl, a little confused, explains to the woman they don't sell
rectum deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the woman assures the assistant that she has been buying the
stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.
"I'm sorry", says the girl, "we don't have any"
'But ah does always buy it here," says the woman.
"Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the assistant.
”YES", said the woman, "Ah go home and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the girl who looks
at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant"
Annoyed, the woman snatches the container from the girl and reads out loud from
the container, "TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM."

[Hannibal Lecter, MD]

NALT, I thought she might have needed a little of this:

[2Stater]

You guys being funny mid-week. 

[Hannibal Lecter, MD]

Gotta fake it until we make the weekend, 2.  I've never tried any of that there anti-swamp butt stuff, but I'm sure we could all use some from time to time.

Now NALT will show up and suggest I might need a bigger bottle.   

[N.AL-Tider]

Gotta fake it until we make the weekend, 2.  I've never tried any of that there anti-swamp butt stuff, but I'm sure we could all use some from time to time.

Now NALT will show up and suggest I might need a bigger bottle.   

Nope!  No need for a bigger bottle.  Just make sure that it is "industrial strength" though... 

[N.AL-Tider]

A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter
to greet her, she peeked through the gates. She saw a beautiful banquet
table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had
loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings
to her "Hello - How are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you."

When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful
place! How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.

"Which word?" the woman asked.
"Love."

The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into
Heaven.
About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch
the Gates of Heaven for him that day.

While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.
"I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"

"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her.
"I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill.
And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I
lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the
world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell
and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.

"Which word?" her husband asked.

" Czechoslovakia ."

Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry.. There will be Hell to pay later!

[N.AL-Tider]

I wonder if you can figure this one out?

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs are roaming in the forest when they come across a lake. The water was enticing and Snow White decides to take a bath. So she tells the Dwarfs to turn around while she is taking a Bath in the lake.

The Dwarfs protest vehemently because they want to take a bath too.
Snow White relents and says "When I get into the water and you hear the splash, you can turn around."

Snow White undresses and as she is about to jump into the water, at that very moment, she is startled by a frog who jumps into the water before she can. :eek:

The moment the Dwarfs hear the SPLASH, they turn around and see Snow White standing NAKED. :p :eek:

Now, given that this incident is an idea for a TV ad, what product is being advertised?

Come on now, this should be easy for a person of your background and mental powers. If you can't figure it out just scroll down for the answer.


























SevenUp

[N.AL-Tider]

There was this fellow over in Eastern Kentucky who had a flat tire.

He pulled off on the side of the road, jumped out of his car, walked down the hillside and picked a bunch of wildflowers, and proceeded to put one bouquet of the flowers in front of the car and one behind it.

Then he got back in the car to wait.

A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back.

He asked the fellow what the problem was.

The man replied, "I have a flat tarr."

In response the passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?

The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back! I never did understand it neither."

[2Stater]

I wonder if you can figure this one out?

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs are roaming in the forest when they come across a lake. The water was enticing and Snow White decides to take a bath. So she tells the Dwarfs to turn around while she is taking a Bath in the lake.

The Dwarfs protest vehemently because they want to take a bath too.
Snow White relents and says "When I get into the water and you hear the splash, you can turn around."

Snow White undresses and as she is about to jump into the water, at that very moment, she is startled by a frog who jumps into the water before she can. :eek:

The moment the Dwarfs hear the SPLASH, they turn around and see Snow White standing NAKED. :p :eek:

Now, given that this incident is an idea for a TV ad, what product is being advertised?

Come on now, this should be easy for a person of your background and mental powers. If you can't figure it out just scroll down for the answer.


























SevenUp

 

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