***The Official CRS POLITICAL/RELIGIOUS/DIVISIVE Joke Thread***

[N.AL-Tider]

THIS IS A "HUNTING" JOKE Chech.  NOT POLITICAL.  

The Pope went on vacation to the rugged mountains of Northern Idaho. He was driving along when he heard a frantic commotion off at the edge of the woods. He found a helpless, long-haired, bearded, middle-aged man wearing Patagonia shorts, sandals, and an old "Vote for Hillary" T-shirt.

The man was yelling and struggling frantically, thrashing all about trying to free himself from the grasp of a gigantic, 1,000-pound grizzly bear.

As the Pope watched in horror, a group of cowboys all wearing "Go Trump" and "America First" denim shirts came racing up on horseback. One quickly pulled out a Henry lever action rifle and fired a 44 Magnum slug right into the middle of the bear's chest.

The two other men pulled the bleeding, semi-conscious man from the bear's grasp. The rest of the men dragged the dead grizzly onto the bed of their pickup truck while the others tenderly placed the injured man in the back seat.

As they began to leave, the Pope summoned all of them over to him. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he proudly proclaimed

"I have heard there was bitter hatred between Republican and Democrat Party supporters, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not really true and that America is a blessed place in which to live."

As the Pope drove off, one cowboy asked, "Who was that guy?

"Dude, that was the Pope," another replied. "It's believed by many that he has access to all wisdom.

"Well," the cowboy said, "He may have access to all wisdom, but he don't know nothin' about bear hunting in Idaho. By the way, is the bait still alive or do we need to go back to California and get another one?"

[pmull]

Trump is not responsible for the Covid-19 virus. Obama was not responsible for H1N1 (Swine Flu) or Ebola pandemics. G. W. Bush was not responsible for the SARS outbreak. Clinton was only responsible for a hand full of Herpes cases.

[SUPERCOACH]

Trump is not responsible for the Covid-19 virus. Obama was not responsible for H1N1 (Swine Flu) or Ebola pandemics. G. W. Bush was not responsible for the SARS outbreak. Clinton was only responsible for a hand full of Herpes cases.

[N.AL-Tider]

President Obama and Queen Elizabeth are having dinner and Obama asks the queen:

"Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government?
Are there any tips you can give me?"
"Well," said the Queen,

"The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
Obama frowned, and then asked,

"But how do I know if the people around me are really intelligent?"
The Queen took a sip of champagne.

"Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle, watch"
The Queen pushed a button on her intercom.
"Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?"

Tony Blair walked into the room and said,
"Yes, your Majesty?"

The Queen smiled and said,

"Answer me this please Tony.
Your mother and father have a child.
It is not your brother and it is not your sister.
Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered…

"That would be me."
"Yes! Very good." said the Queen.
Obama went back home to ask Joe Biden the same question.
"Joe, answer this for me."

"Your mother and your father have a child.
It's not your brother and it's not your sister.
Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," said Biden.

"Let me get back to you on that one."
He went to his advisors and asked everyone, but none could give him an answer.
Frustrated, Biden went to work in congressional gym and saw Paul Ryan there.

Biden went up to him and asked, "Hey Paul, see if you can answer this question."
"Shoot Joe."
“Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister.
Who is it?"
Paul Ryan answered,

"That's easy, it's me!"

Biden smiled, and said, "Good answer Paul!"
Biden then, went back to speak with President Obama.
"Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle."

"It's Paul Ryan!"
Obama got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled into his face,

"No! You idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

[Hannibal Lecter, MD]

NALT about to have another one moved...

[N.AL-Tider]

NALT about to have another one moved...

 

[SUPERCOACH]

NALT about to have another one moved...

 

The joke was funny.  Intentionally posting it in the wrong place was NOT funny.

[N.AL-Tider]

Suddenly, a cow runs out onto the road, and a limo driving late at night, hits it head on, and the car comes to a stop.

The woman in the back seat, in her usual abrasive manner, says to the Chauffeur, "You get out and check on that poor cow. You were driving."

So the chauffeur gets out, checks, and reports that the animal is dead, but it appeared to be very old. Well, says the woman, "You were driving, so you go and tell the farmer in that lighted farmhouse over there."

Two hours later the chauffeur returns totally inebriated, a full belly, his hair ruffled, and a big grin on his face.

“What on earth happened to you?" asks the nasty woman.

The chauffeur replies, "When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of single malt scotch, the wife gave me a meal fit for a king, and the daughter made love to me."

“What on earth did you say?" asks the woman.

Well, I just knocked on the door, and when it opened, I said to them, "I'm Nancy Pelosi’s chauffeur, and I’ve just killed the old cow."

Don’t you just love a story with a happy ending?

[2Stater]

 

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