Auburn Jokes

[td57]

As part of the Lee County beautification project, barn grad students decided to do their part by planting trees along the major roads in Lee county.
An old retired farmer was sitting on his porch next to his goat when he sees a truck coming down the dirt road slowly. As he watched he noticed three barn grad students, one driving the old rusted out Ford truck and two in the back of the truck with some small trees. The driver would stop about every twenty feet, one guy would jump out and dig a hole and jump back in the truck. Then, the second guy would jump out, cover the hole back up, pat in down and jump back in the truck.
The farmer watched this until they got in front of his house trailer. He said “boys what in the world are you tryin’ to do? Diggin’ holes and coverin’ em up”
The drive calmly told the old man we’re planting trees but the guy who usually puts the tree in the hole called in sick today.

[td57]

A barn grad with great initiative wanted to start a farming business after getting his barn degree. He thought long and hard what would be most profitable. He finally decided he would grow him some chickens.
The next day he bought him a whole mess of baby chicks. He plowed the field, fertilized properly and planted the chick’s feet first. He watered them good every day but after a few days they were all dead. So he thought about it he knew what he did wrong.
The next day he bought him a ‘nother whole mess of baby chicks. THIS TIME he planted them head first and watered twice a day. He was real proud. Low and behold these chicks didn’t even last as long as the first ones. He knew he was going have to get help.
That night he wrote his professor at the barn a letter explaining everything to him asking what he did wrong.
A return letter finally arrived. The professor started the letter YOU MORON; you know I can’t tell you anything without a soil sample.

[cbbama99]

Thinking that he missed out on something by not getting his barn education, Cam decides to enroll in school and get his degree. Things are going pretty well, and it comes down to him taking his math exam to graduate. Being the showboat that he is, Cam decides to take the exam at Jordan-Hare and invite barners to watch. The day of the exam, the stadium is completely packed. Cam is sitting a table in the middle of the field with a sheet of paper. He is asked one question over the stadium PA system: "Cam, what is 2 + 2 ?" Cam thinks for a minute, does some scribbling on the paper, and about 10 minutes later answers, "4." The stadium goes deathly quiet. Finally, everyone in unison screams "Give him another chance!"

[SUPERCOACH]

Thinking that he missed out on something by not getting his barn education, Cam decides to enroll in school and get his degree. Things are going pretty well, and it comes down to him taking his math exam to graduate. Being the showboat that he is, Cam decides to take the exam at Jordan-Hare and invite barners to watch. The day of the exam, the stadium is completely packed. Cam is sitting a table in the middle of the field with a sheet of paper. He is asked one question over the stadium PA system: "Cam, what is 2 + 2 ?" Cam thinks for a minute, does some scribbling on the paper, and about 10 minutes later answers, "4." The stadium goes deathly quiet. Finally, everyone in unison screams "Give him another chance!"

[SUPERCOACH]

A barn grad with great initiative wanted to start a farming business after getting his barn degree. He thought long and hard what would be most profitable. He finally decided he would grow him some chickens.
The next day he bought him a whole mess of baby chicks. He plowed the field, fertilized properly and planted the chick’s feet first. He watered them good every day but after a few days they were all dead. So he thought about it he knew what he did wrong.
The next day he bought him a ‘nother whole mess of baby chicks. THIS TIME he planted them head first and watered twice a day. He was real proud. Low and behold these chicks didn’t even last as long as the first ones. He knew he was going have to get help.
That night he wrote his professor at the barn a letter explaining everything to him asking what he did wrong.
A return letter finally arrived. The professor started the letter YOU MORON; you know I can’t tell you anything without a soil sample.

[SUPERCOACH]

I was watching the Auburn game the other day. I accidentally bumped into my TV and Clint Moseley fell down.

[td57]

Sad news for the Albarn fambly the other day. The 2004 Peoples Nation Championship Parade beauty queen, Bell, has passed away. She was a Holstein beauty. Seems she got into a field of milkweed and developed a bad case of sour belly. No one in the animal husbandry department could save her.
One grad student was overheard saying how popular Bell was, “all the dates we had and never once did she kick the pail out from under me” he said with a tear in his eye.

On a related note, foolsball coarch Jean Cheez-it had concern for some of his offensive linemen. Coarch was delegated the task of Bells burial. He assigned four of his best and brightest linemen to go out and dig a hole and bury Bell. The left out early one morning and didn’t come back until after dark, missing practice. Coarch Cheez-it was furious and demanded an explanation.
The captain of the burial task force, still out of breath, said “ Coarch, we had to dig four holes and we is tired.” Coarch screamed why in the world did you dig four holes to bury one cow? The captain then explained, the first three weren’t big enough.

[Coach Hank Crisp]

Hey Auburn Tiger! "Watch out for those High Voltage Power-lines"!



"What High Voltage Power-lines"?




BLOOM!

[BAMAWV]

Hank--"And now, the rest of the story..."

Bwaaahahaha!  

[pmull]

A little boy and his mother were walking in a cemetery when they came
upon a headstone that read “Here lies an AUBURN graduate and an honest man.”
The little boy asked, “Mommy, why did they bury 2 people in there?”

[pmull]

Things you will never hear a barner say:

Duct tape won't fix that
Checkmate
Let a professional paint your car
Wrestling's fake
The tires on that truck are too big

[2Stater]

 I saw an Auburn grad fall down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

[FloridaTarheel]

Question: What do you get when you mate an Auburn graduate with a pig?

Answer:  Nothing.  There are some things you just can't get a pig to do.

[2Stater]

Question: What do you get when you mate an Auburn graduate with a pig?

Answer:  Nothing.  There are some things you just can't get a pig to do.

Welcome Florida Tarheel. You get an e-cred for the barn-bashing. We like barn-bashing. Post Roll Tide and someone will give you another. 

[SUPERCOACH]

Question: What do you get when you mate an Auburn graduate with a pig?

Answer:  Nothing.  There are some things you just can't get a pig to do.

Welcome to the forum!  Have some e-creds.

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